Molly-isms

Today I thought I’d honor the late Molly Ivins (1944-2007) whose humor and keen observations are greatly missed this election season.  We have Molly to thank for the term “Governor Goodhair” in reference to Rick Perry.  How perfect is that?

Molly’s quotable quotes:

 •In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the [governor's] office; it’s mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose.

• Good thing we’ve still got politics in Texas — finest form of free entertainment ever invented.

• [on Texas politics] Better than the zoo. Better than the circus.

• I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.

•A few years before Billie Carr  (click the link to read Molly’s eulogy of the “Godmother of Texas Liberals”) died this September at age 74, a friend called to ask how she was doing. “Well,” she said, “They just impeached my boy up in Washington, there’s not a Democrat left in statewide office in Texas, the Republicans have taken every judgeship in Harris County, and yesterday I found out I have cancer.”

Pause.

“I think I’ll go out and get a pregnancy test because with my luck, it’ll come back positive.”

• Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair’s-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?

Oh, it’s just that your life is at stake.

• It’s a low-tax, low-service state–so shoot us. The only depressing part is that, unlike Mississippi, we can afford to do better. We just don’t.

• As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can’t drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against ‘em anyway, you don’t belong in office.

• Although it is true that only about 20 percent of American workers are in unions, that 20 percent sets the standards across the board in salaries, benefits and working conditions. If you are making a decent salary in a non-union company, you owe that to the unions. One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

•Let me say for the umpteenth time, George W. is not a stupid man. The IQ of his gut, however, is open to debate. In Texas, his gut led him to believe the death penalty has a deterrent effect, even though he acknowledged there was no evidence to support his gut’s feeling. When his gut, or something, causes him to announce that he does not believe in global warming — as though it were a theological proposition — we once again find his gut ruling that evidence is irrelevant. In my opinion, Bush’s gut should not be entrusted with making peace in the Middle East.

•Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.

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15 thoughts on “Molly-isms

  1. “Oh, it’s just that your life is at stake.”

    That will be my answer from now on when someone questions why I devote so much time and energy to politics.

    Thank you for rising to my hopes and expectations on Perry. Have you seen this newest issue of Time? I’d love your take.

    He was a “yell leader,” another one, fergawdsake!

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    • We have the latest issue of Time face down on the living room coffee table. As with the Sarah Palin “up close and personal” photo where her mustache was clearly visible, Perry’s photo reminds me of Richard Nixon and his perpetual five o’clock shadow. I don’t need to see every pore of the candidates in order to make an informed decision about whether they should be president or not. Ick. What we need from Rick Perry is intense scrutiny of his dealings with lobbyists.

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  2. The wonderful Molly Ivins would have callouses on her fingers and tongue at this point with Governor Goodhair running. She is missed. Indeed.

    And can I just say—some of the wittiest people I know are from the state of Texas.
    (Your good self included.) Granted, they all tend to be liberal in their politics . . . . So I know this must mean something.

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  3. This liberal northeast city slicker misses Molly immensely, too. Didn’t she used to refer to Dubya as Shrub? I’ll make sure to spread the word in the office that we must now only refer to your governor as Governor Goodhair in tribute to her.

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    • You are correct about Dubya being dubbed “Shrub” by Ms. Ivins! Your efforts in spreading the “Goodhair” word are much appreciated, lameadventures. I’m just sorry Mr. Perry has been unleashed on the rest of the country, but on the up side, it does give us a bit of a break here in Texas while he’s off campaignin’. (Notice the dropped “g.” Very Perry-esque.)

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  4. Today’s dipsticks would be like shooting fish in a barrel to Molly.

    She thought we should take to the streets with pots and pans to stop the war. We should have listened.

    Your sketch of her is special.

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    • Thank you—it’s a damned shame that we had to lose her to breast cancer. And I wish we still had Ann Richards to add her wonderful voice to the political scene. Sadly, we lost her to the same disease. And yet, Dick Cheney (the man without a heart) lives on…

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  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Love Molly Ivins. And Ann Richards was a real Texas treasure.

    Any time you get a little bored and can’t come up with anything special to write, you can always quote Molly Ivins and be sure that you’ll get loads of hits. I do so miss that lady, as well as Ann Richards, and do wish we could have had them with us for several more years. They would have made all this miserable stuff we’re having to endure just a little more bearable.

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