Molly-isms

Today I thought I’d honor the late Molly Ivins (1944-2007) whose humor and keen observations are greatly missed this election season.  We have Molly to thank for the term “Governor Goodhair” in reference to Rick Perry.  How perfect is that?

Molly’s quotable quotes:

 •In Texas, we do not hold high expectations for the [governor's] office; it’s mostly been occupied by crooks, dorks and the comatose.

• Good thing we’ve still got politics in Texas — finest form of free entertainment ever invented.

• [on Texas politics] Better than the zoo. Better than the circus.

• I dearly love the state of Texas, but I consider that a harmless perversion on my part, and discuss it only with consenting adults.

•A few years before Billie Carr  (click the link to read Molly’s eulogy of the “Godmother of Texas Liberals”) died this September at age 74, a friend called to ask how she was doing. “Well,” she said, “They just impeached my boy up in Washington, there’s not a Democrat left in statewide office in Texas, the Republicans have taken every judgeship in Harris County, and yesterday I found out I have cancer.”

Pause.

“I think I’ll go out and get a pregnancy test because with my luck, it’ll come back positive.”

• Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair’s-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother?

Oh, it’s just that your life is at stake.

• It’s a low-tax, low-service state–so shoot us. The only depressing part is that, unlike Mississippi, we can afford to do better. We just don’t.

• As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can’t drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against ‘em anyway, you don’t belong in office.

• Although it is true that only about 20 percent of American workers are in unions, that 20 percent sets the standards across the board in salaries, benefits and working conditions. If you are making a decent salary in a non-union company, you owe that to the unions. One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

•Let me say for the umpteenth time, George W. is not a stupid man. The IQ of his gut, however, is open to debate. In Texas, his gut led him to believe the death penalty has a deterrent effect, even though he acknowledged there was no evidence to support his gut’s feeling. When his gut, or something, causes him to announce that he does not believe in global warming — as though it were a theological proposition — we once again find his gut ruling that evidence is irrelevant. In my opinion, Bush’s gut should not be entrusted with making peace in the Middle East.

•Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.

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