6

Take Two Aspirin and Don’t Call Me in the Morning

Whiplash inducing quote of the day from Foster Friess, the mega donor behind the pro-Rick Santorum Super PAC.

“On this contraceptive thing, my Gosh it’s such [sic] inexpensive,” he added. “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”

12

Feel Anything Yet?

Harold Camping is at it again.  Remember him from last May 21 when he said the end of the world was at hand?  Well, he made a teensy miscalculation at that time, so he upped the date of the Rapture to today, Oct. 21.

“Thus we can be sure that the whole world, with the exception of those who are presently saved (the elect), are under the judgment of God, and will be annihilated together with the whole physical world on Oct. 21,” he says on the website.

I like this little poem (courtesy of Christopher Hitchens) that explains it all for us:

We are the pure and chosen few
And all the rest are damned
There’s room enough in hell for you
We don’t want heaven crammed.

9

Charlton Heston He Ain’t

Here’s candidate Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, reflecting on her husband being “called by God” to run for the presidency:

“She likened Perry’s decision to run to encountering a “burning bush,” a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test.”

“Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said “Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you,” she said.”

And, not unlike Gov. Goodhair’s time at Texas A & M, he’s making C’s and D’s.

And that “burning bush”?  I think that was the state of Texas this past summer.

Just sayin’.

12

Ya Think?

Shades of Katie Couric’s famous “gotcha” question to Sarah Palin about what newspapers she reads:

“But Perry, campaigning Saturday in Iowa’s staunchly conservative northwest, barely touched on religion at all. In stops at Sioux City and Orange City, he never mentioned Mormonism, Romney by name, or even Christianity, for that matter.

Asked by Republican Steven Bernston what books have most influenced him, Perry mentioned only one: the work of conservative economist Friedrich Hayek. Bernston, a corn and beans farmer from Paullina, later said he was surprised that Perry didn’t at least mention the Bible.

“I don’t think he’s a reader,” Bernston said in an interview, noting that Perry used the question to switch to previous statements about his opposition to government efforts to stimulate the economy.”

4

So a Priest, Two Polish Doctors and an Alien Walk Into a Bar…

From the “You can’t make this stuff up” file:

“Miracle” As Communion Wafer Becomes Heart Tissue

WARSAW, Poland — Roman Catholics in Poland gathered Sunday for a special Mass celebrating what they see as a miracle: the appearance on a communion wafer of a dark spot that they are convinced is part of the heart of Jesus.

The communion wafer in question developed a brown spot in 2008 after falling on the floor during a Mass in the eastern Polish town of Sokolka. Two medical doctors determined that the spot was heart muscle tissue, church officials have said.

Bialystok Archbishop Edward Ozorowski said during the Mass that in history, the “substance of Christ’s body or blood has become available to the human senses, and this also happened in Sokolka.”

“For God, nothing is impossible,” Ozorowski said.

The dark-spotted wafer was carried aloft in a reliquary by a golden-robed priest in a procession and was put on display in the town’s church of St. Anthony as about 1,000 faithful looked on, according to a report and footage carried by the TV station TVN.

Catholics believe that the bread and wine that priests use during the sacrament of communion — or the Eucharist — are changed into the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

The wafer was dropped by a priest celebrating communion in 2008. In accordance with church practice, the priest placed the wafer in water to dissolve it. Several days later a nun found that the wafer had not dissolved completely, and found a red mark on it.

The nun’s discovery sparked huge interest among the faithful in this deeply Roman Catholic country, sparking large numbers to flock to Sokolka. Though some believers consider the object miraculous, the Vatican is still examining the matter and has not yet officially decided whether to declare it a miracle, church spokesman Andrzej Debski said.

A group of rationalists complained about the matter in 2008, and called on authorities to investigate if a murder or other crime was involved if human flesh was indeed found on the wafer. Police say they have no evidence of any crime.

***********************************

Are Aliens Part of God’s Plan, Too?  Finding E.T. Could Change Religion Forever

by Clara Moskowitz, SPACE.com Senior Writer

ORLANDO, Fla. — The discovery of intelligent aliens would be mind-blowing in many respects, but it could present a special dilemma for the world’s religions, theologians pondering interstellar travel concepts said Saturday (Oct.1)

Christians, in particular, might take the news hardest, because the Christian belief system does not easily allow for other intelligent beings in the universe, Christian thinkers said at the 100 Year Starship Symposium, a meeting sponsored by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) to discuss issues surrounding traveling to other stars.

In other words, “Did Jesus die for Klingons too?” as philosophy professor Christian Weidemannof Germany’s Ruhr-University Bochum titled his talk at a panel on the philosophical and religious considerations of visiting other worlds.

6

So Noah Built an Arky, Arky…

New Noah’s Ark in Ky. aims to prove truth of Bible

HEBRON, Ky. (AP) — Tucked away in a nondescript office park in northern Kentucky, Noah’s followers are rebuilding his ark. The biblical wooden ship built to weather a worldwide flood was 500 feet long and about 80 feet high, according to Answers in Genesis, a Christian ministry devoted to a literal telling of the Old Testament.

It’s an expansion of the ministry’s first major public attraction, the controversial Creation Museum. It opened in 2007 and attracted worldwide attention for presenting stories from the Bible as historical fact, challenging evolution and asserting that the earth was created about 6,000 years ago.

“The ark is really a different approach” than the museum, Mark Zovath (the project director) said. “It’s really not about creation-evolution, it’s about the authority of the Bible starting with the ark account in Genesis.”

Zovath said the ark will have old-world details, like wooden pegs instead of nails, straight-sawed timbers and plenty of animals — some alive, some robotic like The Creation Museum’s dinosaurs. He said it has not yet been determined how many live animals will be in the boat during visiting hours, but the majority will be stuffed or animatronic. At their count, Noah had anywhere from 2,000 to 4,000 on board.

State officials are banking on the park’s success and the 900 jobs it is expected to create, by making the project eligible for more than $40 million in sales tax rebates if the Ark Encounter hits its attendance marks.

Tying state incentives to a religious theme park has also attracted some criticism, though notably less than The Creation Museum, which received no state support. That facility was built on private donations.

Americans United for Separation of Church and State, a Washington-based group, has said the park would run afoul of constitutional law.

“Noah didn’t get government help when he built the first ark, and the fundamentalist ministry behind the Kentucky replica shouldn’t either,” the group said in a statement. But so far they have taken no legal action.

Kagin said challenging the project in court would likely be a losing battle because of the way the tax incentives are structured.

16

What Would Jesus Order?

It’s been said many times recently that the GOP is living in a parallel universe, with their own set of facts that have nothing to do with reality as the rest of us know and understand it.

Here is proof, in living color.

These photos were taken at Rick Perry’s Prayerpalooza on Saturday, where he called for seven hours of intense prayer and fasting.

Apparently, the good folks who were in attendance didn’t know that fasting means not eating anything.

Either that, or they have applied the Michele Bachmann Rule of Denial and believe, even as you can “pray away the gay,” you can eat nachos and still call that fasting.

Photos courtesy of  http://s1124.photobucket.com/albums/l567/thanks_imjustlurking/Prayerapalooza%208-6-11/ via Juanita Jean’s blog.

Click on the link for more, including some great protest signs!

I’m guessing the nachos were heavenly.

23

Boy, Is She Barking Up the Wrong Tree

You’ll remember a while back I was approached through email by a “Cecelia Frazier,” a woman who was at death’s door and allegedly had no one to pass her millions on to except for me.

(See “Drenched in Tears and Rolling in Dough” if you missed that one.)

I thought that request was a hoot then:

I am drenched with tears while writing this short message to you. It was
heartbreaking news to me few  days ago when my doctor notified me on
complications on my health condition which he officially made known to me. He
further stressed that the complication I had in my human mechanism as a result
of a secondary liver cancer which have destroyed all the organs in my body
system.  According to him, he said that this complication will lead to my
imminent death since no medication can alleviate the high system of deformation
I am encountering at this time in my system.

But this new email pretty much takes the cake for sheer chutzpah:

Dearest in Christ Jesus.

My name is Mrs. Mary Rufus. I am married to Mr. Anetor Rufus. Who worked with Kuwait embassy here in Mali for nine years before he died in the year 2008. We were married for eleven years without a child, He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days and before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of ($ 5 MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS) in the Security Company here in Bamako capital city of Mali.

And recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the next six months due to my cancer problem (cancer of the lever and stroke). Presently this money is still in the Security Company. Having known my condition I am in need of a honest Hearted Individual Christian or Church that will utilize this fund the way I am going to instruct herein.
I want somebody that will use this fund according to the desire of my late husband to help Less privileged people, Orphanages, Widows and Propagating the word of God. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that will inherit this fund, And I don’t want in away where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision to hand you over this fund. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going.

I want you to always remember me in your daily prayers because of my up coming Cancer Surgery. Write back to me as soon as possible because any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another person for this same purpose, Hoping to read from you soon.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Security Company. I will also issue you an authorization letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund as soon as i hear from you.

May God Bless You,
Mrs. Mary Rufus.

First off, I don’t know how my name got on a list of good Christian folk to contact for this request.  (Again, see my post “The Orthodox Agnostic” for further explanation.)  Somebody’s database needs updating in Mali.

I do love the fact that, like Cecelia, Mrs. Rufus went for the heartstrings by mentioning Less Privileged people, Orphanages and Widows.

Propagating the Word of God….eh, we’ve got enough of that in Texas, thanks to Gov. Rick Perry and his upcoming Perry-Palooza on Aug. 6 where only Christians need apply.  Not so fast Muslims, Jews and The Undecided.

Again, much like Cecelia, Mrs. Rufus has some interesting physical problems going on.  Cecelia had a complication in her “human mechanism” due to secondary liver cancer, but Mary goes her one better with her cancer of the lever (as opposed to cancer of the fulcrum?) and stroke.  Nice touch, Mary.

It sounds like Mr. Anetor Rufus had a deathbed conversion, as did the missus at the same time.  Did Anetor do that so Mary wouldn’t marry again?  It seems like their  version of Christianity forbids remarrying after the death of a spouse.   Maybe Mary needs to re-read her Bible.

I think Anetor pulled a fast one on you, honey.

And I love how Mary puts the squeeze on me for a speedy reply by threatening to “source another person for this same purpose” if she doesn’t hear from me right away.  Mary would have made a good used car salesperson.

“I’ll have to talk to my credit manager.”

And Mrs. Rufus has upped the ante here.  Cecelia was only offering 4.8 million, but Mrs. Rufus is dangling a cool 5 million in front of me.  However, she doesn’t want it used in any “ungodly way,” so that pretty much leaves out the Temple to Athena that I was planning to build on the back forty.

I have almost gotten to the point where I look forward to receiving these emails.  They’re kind of addicting, like a soap opera.

I think Mary’s role should be played by Susan Lucci.