Fall Is in the Air
31 Mar 2012 15 Comments
in Humor, kids, Life, marriage, Pets, Women Tags: Birkenstocks, clogs, daughters, headers, Humor, husbands, marriage, mothers, sleep walking, stairs, wives
I guess I come from a long line of “fallers.”
As you know, my mother has fallen several times since the one that landed her in the nursing/rehab facility in October. The last time was in the dining room of The Hotel (retirement center) where she’s living now.
In that fall, she went over backward and conked her noggin on a table or chair on her way down. Amazingly, nothing bad resulted from that except a goose egg on the back of her head. The bump disappeared after a couple of days.
Now, my daughter has carried on our tradition by falling headfirst down the steep flight of stairs in her home.
(I had promised her in the past that I wouldn’t blog about any personal stuff of hers, so I’m just keeping to the bare facts here as they relate to our family propensity for not maintaining verticality.)
She and her husband had recently sold their home in town so they could move out to a place in the country on two acres. The buyer wanted a short escrow, so they had been working like maniacs getting the water, electric and septic connections hooked up, all the while packing their stuff for the move.
Needless to say, they were pretty exhausted.
And when that happens, my daughter has a tendency to sleep-walk.
Or, in her case, sleep-fall. Down the stairs of their two-story home.
At 2:00 am my son-in-law phoned to tell me she’d gotten up from bed (while still asleep) and taken a header down the stairs. She was pretty banged up, with a cut upper lip (thankfully no broken teeth) and painful bruises on her chest and scrapes on her legs.
I drove into town as fast as I could and stayed at their house with the grandkids until around 4:00 when they got back from the ER. She had a mild concussion and contusions, but nothing broken. Whew.
In an effort at full disclosure here, I will repost my own episode of falling down some stairs that I posted on this blog a couple of years ago.
It didn’t involve sleep-walking, but it did center around Birkenstock clogs, rain, two little dogs who needed to pee, and a husband who’d warned me that Birkenstocks were the work of the Devil.
Enjoy.
http://youcallthatart.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/death-by-birkenstock/
An Uplifting Tale of a Man and His Colon
20 Nov 2011 4 Comments
in health care, Humor, Life, marriage Tags: Andy Borowitz, doctors, ERs, health care, Humor, husbands, marriage, triage, twisted colons, wives
A message from humorist Andy Borowitz:
Hello everyone,
May I be serious for a minute?
Thanksgiving is a weird time for some people. If you’re going through hard times, you might not feel that you have much to be thankful for.
Three years ago I had an experience I can only describe as nightmarish. But when it was over, I was thankful to be alive, and I still feel that way every day. I’m sharing my story with you this Thanksgiving week in the hopes that it might lift your spirits if they need lifting.
Warning: the story contains “strong language,” as they say on NPR. But there are laughs, too, and an ending that I hope will make you feel good. If you know of anyone out there who needs some cheering up, please share the story with them.
And have a Happy Thanksgiving. As always, I’m thankful to have you as a reader.
Love,
Andy
I Just Flew in from L.A. and Boy, Are My Arms Tired…
09 Sep 2011 6 Comments
in Aging, health care, Humor, marriage Tags: Aging, gym rats, health care, Humor, husbands, marriage, wives
Conversation between my husband and me today about the gym at the Wellness Center where I’ve been working out—
He: “It’s nice that it’s not like a lot of the other fitness places. You don’t have a bunch of people standing around waiting for you to finish up with equipment.”
Me: “Yeah, that is nice. It’s mainly old folks like us.
[Names a few names of acquaintances.]
When I go, there’s probably nobody under the age of 60. No one making moves on anyone or trying to impress.”
He: “Not exactly the singles scene, is it?”
Me: “No. More like the shingles scene.”
Ba-da-bum, ching! Thank you ladies and germs! I’ll be here all week!
Up and At ‘Em!
23 Apr 2011 17 Comments
in Aging, Biology, Humor, marriage, Women Tags: Art, artist trading cards, ATC, bathtubs, Cialis, Humor, husbands, libido, marriage, sex, Viagra, wives
Here’s an excerpt from an interesting article I found at MSNBC.com on the perils of ED drugs like Viagra and Cialis, written by Judith Newman of Prevention magazine.
She explores these drugs from the viewpoint of women on the…er…”receiving” end of their benefits.
(I always knew those bathtubs were the Devil’s playground!)
The problem can be especially daunting for older women who are widowed or divorced or just beginning to date after years of being alone or with one man. Certainly this was the case for Marjorie P., a 60-something woman who complained about the drugs on a 50+ Web site:
“Men have been saved from their middle-age sexual issues by Viagra and Cialis. They can be thirty again, while I have to deal with the sexual issues of being my age. It’s put the world on ’tilt.’”
Andrea D., a twice-divorced physician from Santa Monica, CA, and an over-50 dater, put it more bluntly. “Viagra has been liberating for men, but unless a woman is taking hormone therapy, she may have vaginal dryness and really not be that interested in the kind of driving, pounding intercourse he’s now capable of.”
There is also fallout from the erroneous belief that Viagra causes not just greater blood flow but also greater desire. The hormone testosterone is the driving force behind libido; a man with little or no testosterone will not have any desire to have sex, Viagra or no.
Moreover, even with normal amounts of testosterone, “Viagra does not just instantly give a man an erection,” says Abraham Morgentaler, MD, associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and author of The Viagra Myth.
“You have to be in a sexual situation, you need to have desire and intent, in order for the drug to work.”
Dr. Morgentaler tells the story of a patient who was very upset because Viagra didn’t do the trick for him.
“He said, ‘Doc, I followed your directions exactly. I took the pill an hour in advance. Then I watched a baseball game on TV and waited.’ The man’s wife was in the other room, waiting too; neither of them realized that the drug would be effective only if they were together, doing what couples do.”
Adds Andrea, whose own Viagra dating experiences and the experiences of similarly aged friends have ranged from excellent to Emergency Care Needed:
“You have to be crystal clear about what works for you and what doesn’t. Because even with someone you really, really adore … sometimes you just want to get back to reading your book!”
Your thoughts, ladies? (And gents.)
I Hear Ya Knockin’…
28 Nov 2010 6 Comments
in Aging, Art, Cartoons, Humor, marriage Tags: Art, cartoon, Humor, husbands, marriage, wives
“Honey, it’s for you.”
Early Bird Special
31 Mar 2010 7 Comments
in Aging, Family, Humor, kids, Life, marriage, ramblings, teachers, Texas, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women Tags: Aging, Early Birds, Ethel Merman, first grade, Humor, husbands, kids, marriage, puppet shows, school, Texas, wives
My husband and I went to a school function this morning for our granddaughter who’s in first grade. She and her brother attend a small private school, one which has a fantastic curriculum with a particular emphasis on reading and the arts. (Some of the kids’ paintings would put many adult would-be artists to shame—myself included.)
Today’s special program was a puppet show presented by the first graders. It was an adaptation of the story “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.” Each child in the class had a role and created his or her own puppet to go with it. Our granddaughter, S., was chosen by the teacher as one of the two narrators of the story. Her best friend, C.K., was the other one.
Wow, can these kids read! They stood up to the microphone and did an excellent job—even when the microphone started blaring feedback shortly after S. started. Luckily, that was corrected and S. continued with her narration, completely unfazed by the air raid siren volume of racket that so rudely interrupted her. I was exceedingly proud of her. I told her teacher that only a couple of years ago S. was a shy little flower who didn’t want anyone to look at her and got very upset if she thought anyone might be laughing at her.
Today, she was Ethel Merman on Broadway. Way to go!
The puppet show was scheduled for 11:00 am and since we live about eleven miles outside of town we calculated that we should leave home about 10:20 to give us enough time to get to the school before the show started. (I hate to be one of those people who comes straggling in after something has already begun. Maybe it’s because everyone turns around and looks at you—gee, I wonder where S. got her phobia about not wanting to be looked at? Hmmm…..)
It turns out we left home a little early, about 10:15, so we arrived at the school just a bit after 10:30—way too soon because the kids were out on the playground and there weren’t many other cars in the vicinity that looked like they belonged to fellow puppet show attendees. We sat there for a minute and then decided we’d go to the post office and pick up our mail first and then come back.
My husband asked “Why is it old people are always early to everything and young people are always late?”
I just looked at him and replied “It’s because young people have a life.”
But, if we did have a life, we might have been too busy to see Ethel…er…S. in her big performance.
I much prefer it this way. Here’s to the Early Birds.
Meet Rachel, Jaimee, Mindy, Jamie, Holly, Kalika, Joslyn…
13 Dec 2009 1 Comment
in Art, Cartoons, Family, Humor, Life, marriage, Thoughts, Venting, Women Tags: adultery, Art, cartoon, Duggar Family, golf, husbands, reality TV, Tiger Woods, TLC, wives
“TLC is replacing the Duggar family with a Tiger Woods reality show. It’s going to be called ’18 Sluts and Counting’.”
Dance of the Sugarplum Fairways
09 Dec 2009 Leave a Comment
in Art, Cartoons, Humor, Life, marriage, Thoughts, Women Tags: adultery, Art, cartoon, Elin Nordegren, golf, Humor, husbands, marriage, Tiger Woods, wives
“He was forty-five minutes into “The Nutcracker” before he realized it wasn’t a movie about Tiger Woods’ wife.”
So Many Skanks, So Little Time
05 Dec 2009 4 Comments
in Art, Cartoons, Family, Humor, marriage, Thoughts, Venting, Women Tags: adultery, Art, cartoon, cats, husbands, marriage, Tiger Woods, wives
“I think he should change his name from Tiger to Cheetah.”
Tastes Great…Less Filling
28 Nov 2009 2 Comments
in Aging, Art, Cartoons, dieting, Family, health care, Humor, Life, marriage, Politics, Thoughts, Women Tags: Art, beer, cartoon, G.O.P., health care, Humor, husbands, marriage, Republicans, wives
“His idea of healthcare reform is switching from regular beer to lite.”
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