Perpetually Twelve

It doesn’t seem to matter how old I become (I’m 63), my mother still sees me as approximately twelve years old.

Since she lives alone and no longer drives (thank you, Lord) I offered to go to the store for her today so she could have her usual 4th of July dinner fare:  hot dogs.  I got her Hebrew National All Beef Kosher hot dogs. 

It’s funny, but in a relatively small Texas town with probably zero practicing Jews, just about all the Hebrew Nationals were sold out when I got there. 

Go figure. 

I guess either the word is out they taste the best or maybe that whole Rapture thing is going down soon and everyone wants to hedge their bets.

I also got the requisite hot dog buns, “lightly salted” Lay’s potato chips and some potato salad from the deli.  At this point in my 90 year-old mother’s life, pretty much anything goes food-wise.  If cholesterol, salt and nitrites haven’t gotten her thus far, have at it I say.  For dessert I popped for a lemon meringue pie from the store’s bakery. 

Let’s party like it’s 1935!

I brought the goodies home and she was thrilled with all of it.  She made herself lunch right away and I had a piece of pie while she scarfed down her pre-4th vittles.  A good time was had by all.  She thanked me several times for getting her all the makings for what looks to be a hot dog marathon over the weekend.

After refilling her pill boxes and chastising her a bit for missing a day’s worth (“If you took Friday’s pills, how come the box is still full?”) I started to make my departure.

She followed me out to her front porch and we exchanged kisses.

Then, as I made my way down her walkway to my car, I heard the words that have been the bane of my existence since I was twelve:

“Stand up straight!”              



14 thoughts on “Perpetually Twelve

  1. I can certainly relate! My mother (81) does the same thing…she probably doesn’t even think about the fact that I have lived 60 yrs., and only 18 of them under her roof! I wonder how she thinks I have survived all these years…she taught me well when I was there, but, once a Mom, always a Mom!


  2. Charlene—No, not this time! Apparently my bangs have achieved the proper length…

    Linda—Ain’t that the truth? I told my husband that if I’d been any nearer to her when she admonished me, it would have been accompanied by her finger poking me in between the shoulders. She doesn’t realize she and I share the same skeletal structure that she so deplores!


  3. Oh Melissa, I laughed out loud at this! I love the way you told it.

    I’m going to have to make a trip to the store just to check out the Hebrew National hotdog supply. Never had them–Oscar Meyer is my hotdog man–but I’m curious to see how popular they are here.

    Maybe the preservatives keep working after consumption…? Your mother may have found the secret…. My HUSBAND reminds me to hold my shoulders up. It’s bad enough for ME to be turning into my mother; I wasn’t expecting HIM to be channeling her, too! What the heck. . . I DO slump.

    Happy 4th!


  4. kyknoord—No, she doesn’t nag me about that, but she does remind me (often) what a wonderful guy my first husband was. And she couldn’t stand him when I was married to him!

    Merrilymarylee—My daughter had gotten the Hebrew Nationals a couple of years ago for a 4th of July cookout and they were pretty darn good. And, their motto is “We answer to a higher authority,” so with that and the preservatives, maybe we have the fountain of youth right under our noses!


  5. My dear, you’ve pimped your page so tastefully!

    Every time I look at my beautiful daughter, I bite my tongue so I don’t say those dreaded words…and durned if some other ones, usually even less welcomed, don’t pop out. I can only hold back so much, ya know!

    Can you please cross-post this entry at you-know-where?


  6. This is so good because it’s so human (and recognizable). I know it’s painful when you get it from your parents but when you see it happening to other people it’s actually heartwarming.

    BTW, that’s my new motivation to live to 90–so I can start eating like it’s 1935!

    Hope you had a great 4th.


  7. Hahahahah!! Mothers!!! My husband’s parents are in their 80s and still treat him like he’s ten. His Dad constantly tells him to wear a suit and tie to work and to make sure his “flunkies” call him “sir.”

    As for the Hebrew Nationals, I have been looking for them for my visiting Jewish friends… no luck in these parts! Maybe in Montreal or Ottawa I could find them, but not out here in the boonies. Fortunately my friends consider all-beef hot dogs an acceptable substitute!


  8. Oh dear, I used to get that from my dad all my life. Stand up straight, sit up straight, don’t slouch…

    I’ve not heard of ‘Jewish Nationals’ as in food places… Don’t think I’ve seen a Jewish anything since I’ve been living in Wales, apart from some relatives of mine…


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