Ode to a Defunct Uterus

On April 7, 1997–fourteen years ago–I had a hysterectomy.  I won’t go into all the girly, gory details but it was a major relief to me and something that was long overdue.

I wanted to celebrate with a Tampon Burning party, but I never got around to that somehow.  (Maybe my sanity was restored when I started taking Premarin soon after the operation.)

In any event, I felt at the time I finally was master over my own biological destiny.  I’d had two great kids, but my uterus had worn out its welcome–and the level of iron in my circulatory system.

Plenty of irony left, however.

So it was with amusement and no small amount of amazement that I read that Florida state Rep. Scott Randolph was chastised for saying the word “uterus” on the floor of that state’s legislature.  Here is what he said: 

“The point is that Republicans are always talking about deregulation and big government. But I say their philosophy is small government for the big guy and big government for the little guy. And so, if my wife’s uterus was incorporated or my friend’s bedroom was incorporated, maybe the Republicans would be talking about deregulating.

– Representative Scott Randolph

I thought his argument was brilliant in its simplicity. 

The Republicans in the Florida legislature tsk-tsked and fussed that there were (OMG) teenage pages present in that august chamber who shouldn’t be exposed to the mentioning of female naughty bits. 

Rep. Randolph responded to that by noting that this just points out the sad state of sex education in Florida.

So today I find that there is now a website (www.incorporatemyuterus.com) where you can download a certificate to do just what Rep. Randolph suggested.

It doesn’t qualify as a legal document, but that never stopped the Republicans from doing away with collective bargaining in Wisconsin, did it? 

Here’s what it looks like:

I think I’ll fill one out posthumously for my dear, departed organ.

34 thoughts on “Ode to a Defunct Uterus

  1. Oh, what fun! I shall name mine “Off the Beaten Path” – and consider it a remote bed and breakfast for tired, dessicated eggs that aren’t really going anywhere… Need to work “Womb with a View” into the marketing literature…


  2. I still have those tampons after having my hysterectomy in 1999. Not sure why I’m nolding onto them. Perhaps a tampon-burning party, while dancing naked around a bonfire (fueled by tampons) is in order? Alcohol definitely not optional.


    • Ronna, I saw a blog where a gal gives her cats tampons (still in the wrapper) to use as toys. She said her cats love to rip them open and have such fun playing with them because they look like white catnip mice with a string for a tail. I’m glad someone has found an alternate creative use for them!


  3. YES! Please feel free to add to the Hen Party, too. And the ACLU needs to hear from us posthumous declarers. If a body part that could be legally incorporated dies, does that mean that the dependent gets Social Security benefits? Work it, girl!

    But, I’m disappointed that the incorporatemyuterus.com site won’t actually fill out my Declaration for me.


  4. From the Palm Beach Post yesterday:

    So Frank Cerabino, a columnist at Cox Newspapers writes of the ‘uterus rebvellion’ and says: “where this leaves the word ‘prostate’ is unclear, but it’s fair to say that all medical terms for mommy parts – especially fallopian – are hereby placed on the naughty list until further notice.” Women, including Randolph’s wife have taken to social media. ‘Uterus’ now has a facebook page. The “Uterati’ are gathering. And they may form a “U-PAC’.

    Go get ’em girls. Enough is enough.



  5. I am learning so many fascinating things about Florida!
    My sister recently moved there and I tought she was making some of this stuff up. LOL.


  6. Don’t Republicans realize they spent 9 months swimming around in one?

    When I was in school, there were no girls’ sports teams because such was deemed to be harmful to our physical development. City girls only–apparently sports didn’t hurt the county girls. Never understood the logic. Maybe they were worried about our you-know-whats.


  7. I’m sure they were more worried about keeping girls out of sports so they wouldn’t have to take money away from the boys to pay for their participation. That’s another thing the GOP wants to do away with–Title IX. Wish we’d had that back in my day. There wasn’t any such thing as a sports scholarship for girls…


  8. My uterus is long gone (I think it took several brain cells with it, as well as a pair of earrings). But no matter. I’m still a member of the Uterati and I will march if necessary. Re Title IX: My close friend and co-author Jean was one of the attorneys who drafted the legislation for Title IX. I’ve retreived my 60s armband out of the attic. Tell me where to show up.


    • Oh, tell your friend Jean “thank you, thank you” from me for helping Title IX come into existence!

      When I was in high school (1962-1965) there were several of us girls who were lobbying for a girl’s swim team. At that time our school didn’t have it’s own pool (that came a couple of years later) and the boys practiced at the one at a local park. The school administration basically patted us on the head and chuckled at the thought. grrrr…. When I think of Title IX, I always remember Donna de Varona, the Olympic medalist. Since there were no college swim programs then, she had to “retire” from swimming at the advanced age of 16.


  9. This incorporation thing is a great idea – and I love the comments here!

    I think I’ll incorporate mine – might as well get some use out of it! What do you think of the name, “A Womb of One’s Own?”


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