My Mother, the Competitor

Quick note from the Eldercare Underground: Trash talking edition

I stopped by The Hotel for a brief visit today to drop off some laundry for my mother and also a twelve-pack of the Boost energy drink her doctor has her taking twice a day. 

When I gave the RN at the nurses’ desk the Boost, the aide seated next to her pointed to the dining room and said, “Your mother is in there having a cup of coffee.” 

It was about 3:30—too early for dinner, so she was in there of her own volition. 

I blurted out, “That’s a shock!” and we all laughed.

It turns out the manager had her and some other ladies play some kind of game and my mother won a pretty glass photo frame.  I asked her what she had to do to win, but all she could come up with was that she had to say a number when she was asked to by Sandra, the manager. 

I think probably everyone won a prize at some point in the game.  Kind of like how little kids get “Participant” trophies. 

Everybody wins!  Yay!

We took it back to her room and then she proceeded to run down her competition.

“There were four other ladies, and I think they’re all really dumb.  They didn’t know their asses from third base.”

Then she said, “Who used to say that?” 

I replied, “Dad did.” 

“Oh, yeah, that’s right.”

Then she said that the women didn’t know what they were doing most of the time. 

Her next observation made me chuckle to myself since she’s most likely several years older than that “Gang of Four”:

“I hope if I get to be that old, I’m not in koo-koo land like they are.”

At least she knows where her ass is. 


ASS, MEET.....



19 thoughts on “My Mother, the Competitor

  1. If you had to distill the whole Eldercare experience into a single anecdote, your mother’s observations about the competition would do it nicely I think. Great graphics, BTW. My favorite is “Couldn’t find his ass with two hands and a map.”


  2. Oh my! She has it figured out perfectly! My mother does not think she is old yet, and in comparison to many in the assisted living (I love “the hotel”!) she is relatively young. She is down for dinner by 4:15 to be sure to be at “her” table, or else will not go down at all. Good for the staff to get your mom involved in the competition. A good motivation to show she is above the others….that would motivate my mom.


    • I’m sure she would! The older she gets, the less subtle she becomes. The social “filter” we all carry around inside our heads gets overridden and any and all observations are blurted out—with often embarrassing (although good for my blogging) results.


  3. This made me laugh. Quite a few years ago, one of my co-workers took some time off to help move her parents (ages 98 and 100), who had been living with her, into an assisted living complex. In less than two weeks, she had to take more time off to move them out- her father didn’t like it because there were too many old people! Really happened.


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