Have a Heterosexual Day

From The Daily Kos:  “One Fine Morning in Arizona”

[Jingle Jangle!]

Shop owner: Hello! Welcome to Widget Barn! How can I help you in a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Yes, I’m looking for a widget.
Shop owner: In a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Huh?
Shop owner: It’s my sincere religious belief that I can only serve heterosexuals here. You…are heterosexual, I presume.
Customer: How can you tell?
Shop owner: Well, you drove up in a Chevy pickup. You’re wearing a John Deere hat. Those work boots have clearly gotten a workout in the heterosexual dirt…
Customer: I’m not lisping.
Shop owner: That, too!
Customer: I’m not prancing. I’m not dropping any soap. I’m not humming Donna Summer…
Shop owner: …or YMCA.
Customer: Still, I could be putting on an act. You know how good gays are at acting. I hear Hollywood’s full of them.
Shop owner: Well, are you gay?
Customer: I don’t know. Am I?
Shop owner: I don’t know.
Customer: Your sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid you from selling to gays, but you don’t even know one when you see one?
Shop owner: I… But… Look, do you want a widget or not?
Customer: Sorry, but my sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid me from buying from bigots.

[ker-SLAM!]

Shop owner: Good lord. The world sure is full of rude people.

 

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14 thoughts on “Have a Heterosexual Day

  1. I had a right wing homophobic aunt, my father’s sister, who left California and moved to Arizona where she lived in a gated community she so wanted to avoid anyone with a scintilla of flavor.

    My dad hated her guts. I love my father very much.

    Like

      • I love him too. I also love your book. We lost our mother when she was 55. My Dad lived to be 92 and told me he missed her every day of his life. We were lucky he was sharp as a tack right up to the end. My best friend’s father had the big A. she cared for him for several years. You gals are my heros. Not sure if my post went through. Brief outage. Another polar vortex here in northern Michigan.

        Like

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