From The Daily Kos– by Bill in Portland Maine:
I Give Up
Okay, fine. I’m now willing to believe that Ebola is the #1 threat to the American homeland. You can get it through bodily fluids, shoelaces and sunspots. You can get it from touching a doorknob, boiling a potato, talking on the phone, looking at a map of Africa or living on the same continent as Dallas. Ebola flies through the air, tunnels under the earth, swims across the ocean and replicates itself via 3D printers halfway around the world. Everybody in America has Ebola. Ebola hides under the bed. Ebola is our master. It rules the universe. It is God’s punishment for Benghazi. It is in our beer.And if Clippy ever popped up
on your screen, you have Ebola.
I’m willing to believe President Obama personally brought Ebola to the United States on Air Force One and it’s now living in the White House. Ebola is going to take over our homes, our churches (prepare yourself for same-sex Ebola marriage), our factories and our money supply. Any election won by a Democrat is really an election won by Ebola. America will soon be run by illegal immigrants thanks to Ebola. The head of the CDC is just Ebola in a lab coat. Ebola will pave the way for a Russian invasion, but not before it releases all the Guantanamo prisoners (who all have Ebola). And of course Ebola is going to take away our guns.
I’m willing to believe that only for-profit Jeb Bush-run charter schools, fracking, elimination of the IRS and deep-sea oil drilling can protect us from Ebola. Tax cuts, tort reform and mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds will weaken Ebola. But nothing will kill it until we elect Ted Cruz president in 2016.
I’m willing to believe that anyone returning from west Africa who tests negative for Ebola is lying, and they should all be shrink-wrapped and launched into space.
Yes, Republicans, I’m willing to “believe” all this bullshit and more. You convinced me. I’m sold. Now will you please…shut…the fuck…up.