Clap and Trade

From The Daily Kos (written by Bill from Portland, Maine):

An Open Letter from Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) 

 

Dear Americans,

As chairman of the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works, I’m proud to submit my long-term plan for dealing with one of the most pressing issues of our time: what to do about the environment. As a leader in the modern-day conservative movement, I realize the precious responsibility I have to take bold, decisive action. To that end, I have developed a solution that brings me great joy and satisfaction.

It’s called Clap and Trade, and it’s a simple two-part policy.

Step 1: Clap Everybody who is concerned about the environment should take five minutes a week to clap. Clap loudly. Clap forcefully. Clap until you feel the palms of your hands sting. You can clap in public or in private. You can clap alone or with others. Just clap your heart out once a week and all the so-called global warming will disappear, I’m told.

Step 2: Trade Here’s how it works. We trade wind turbines for fracking stations. We trade solar arrays for drilling rigs in national parks and along the coasts. We trade emissions standards for no emissions standards. We trade vegetables for cows. We trade the EPA headquarters for a popsicle stand. (Popsicles are cold, so that should be comforting to you worrywarts.) We trade electric cars for good old-fashioned gas guzzlers. And we trade train tracks for above-ground pipelines. The list is longer, but that’s the gist. We’ll also trade lots of things for coal.

As you can see, Clap and Trade is a simple, straightforward, effective solution that will put America back on the path to the kind of environment we deserve. Namely, the kind humanity can suck the life out of for money and leave the cleanup to the kids.

Happy snowball tossing and God Bless,

Jim

P.S. Don’t forget that clapping thing. Seriously. They tell me it works.

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