The Human Puppy Mill Show Has Been Canceled

Aww.  TLC’s “Nineteen Kids And Counting” show has been canceled in the wake of revelations about the eldest Duggar’s molestation of his younger sisters and one other non-related girl.

I guess the old cash cow just couldn’t justify keeping them on the air no matter how much they tried to rationalize the situation: “The girls didn’t know what was happening! No harm, no foul!  They were just too tempting in their wetsuits when they went swimming!  We should have made them stay inside in a dark room so the boys wouldn’t have sinful thoughts!”

The Duggar family has released a statement, of which I will provide translation for those of you who don’t understand God Talk:

“It is our prayer that the painful situation (for our wallets) our family went through many years ago (curse you, Oprah!) can point people toward faith in God (just our God you understand, not those other false ones that y’all mistakenly believe in) and help others (again, only those who have been saved, not you other people who’re going to hell anyway) who also have lived through similar dark situations (dark as in keeping everything swept under the rug) to find help, hope (we’re holding out hope for a spin-off in the future, so we’re golden) and healing, as well,” the statement continued. “We appreciate the love (only heterosexual love, not that icky kind with rainbows), support (especially the monetary kind because, God knows, it’s expensive having this many kids), prayers and kindness extended to us by many of you (the rest of you can go to h-e-double hockey sticks, if you get our drift). You have deeply touched our hearts (and wallets) and encouraged us, during this time.”