Monday Memo

From The Daily Kos and Bill in Maine:

Monday Memo

To: All Patriotic American Patriots
From: The Office of Republican American Patriotism
RE: This Week’s List of Things To Hate and/or Be Scared Of
Status: Yellow

Dear Citizen,

The following are the threats to your Homeland community for Dec. 14-18, 2015, as determined by the Republican party:

Bad guys with guns

Good guys with guns who turn out to be bad Muslims with guns

Miniaturized ISIS fighters coming up through your plumbing

Liberals artificially raising sea levels to bolster their phony climate change science

Parents talking to their children positively about gays

Illegals

Gays conspiring with ISIS fighters and illegals to artificially raise sea levels

Vaginas without government-issued activity monitors

Blacks and Hispanics making a note to vote next November

Creeping Marxism

Creeping Hillary Clinton

Suffocation from a Great Pyramid grain avalanche

Shadows that chillingly resemble your own

Planned Parenthood

Solar panels sucking up all of the sun’s energy

Borders without walls

And as always, “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his simultaneous display of unstoppable dictatorial strong-arm tyranny and spineless lead-from-behind weakness.

For specifics on these and other threats that will get us all killed if we don’t deploy a minimum of 100,000 troops to Syria and ten guns in each American household, please tune to Fox News and/or attend your nearest Republican presidential candidate campaign rally. If you see any suspicious activity not having to do with police officers shooting unarmed black citizens or someone burning down a mosque, please report it to the proper authorities and take refuge in your survival bunker until we give the “all white, all Christian, all clear” signal.

Thank you.

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