Strap On Those HazMat Suits and Go Get a Haircut

From Esquire, by Charles P. Pierce:

Governor Brian Kemp has given all Georgians permission to infect each other.

Everybody zip up those outer-space HazMat suits and go down and get yourself a haircut, provided the cord feeding you oxygen can stretch from your house in Decatur to Mutt’s Haircutting Place and Feed Store in Waycross. Now that Governor Brian Kemp has given all Georgians permission to infect each other, we’ve got to isolate that place so Georgians don’t infect the rest of us. Start building the big old bubble. Do it now.

(Kemp, you may recall, is the brainiac who was the last person on Earth to know that the coronavirus can be transmitted by asymptomatic carriers. What the hell, the guy probably shouldn’t be governor anyway.)

The list of non-essential businesses that Kemp is going to allow to reopen includes gyms, fitness centers, bowling alleys, body art studios, barbers, cosmetologists, hair designers, and nail-care artists. It sounds like Kemp is declaring that every strip mall in the state is now open for business, but it’s hard to imagine a list of businesses that would be more susceptible to the spread of epidemic disease. Can a hairstylist work from six feet away? Can a tattooist use a six-foot needle? And opening bowling alleys but keeping bars closed? Does Kemp understand how he is profaning the very spirit of bowling in that way?

Moreover, Governor Bill Lee of Tennessee and Henry McMaster of South Carolina both look as though they’re following Kemp’s lead. We’re going to need a bigger bubble.

 

hazmat suits

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