Imagine Running Public Relations for Lysol Right Now

From Esquire, by Charles P. Pierce:

The President* of the United States said the following at Thursday’s episode of the Five O’Clock Follies:

“The disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute, and is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside, or almost a cleaning. It gets in the lungs.”

This spasm of thought-like activity was occasioned by a report delivered by Bill Bryan, the head of the science and technology division of the Department of Homeland Security. Bryan mentioned that, yes, disinfectants like Lysol are effective in killing the coronavirus on things like playground equipment, handrails, and doorknobs. Bryan also reported that the virus seems to die in bright sunlight and in warmer and more humid weather.

Then, with every spark gap in his mighty brain sizzling and cracking, the president* launched into the above improv while, over on the sidelines, Dr. Deborah Birx suddenly found herself in a thousand memes, looking as though she’d been hit on the head with a polo mallet. El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago was really rolling, folks. He was one step away from advising Birx to go out and find a virgin to toss into a volcano.

Dear America,

Lysol should not be taken internally. Also, half-mad, malignant television personalities should not be elected president.

God help us all.

Sincerely,

The Management

3 thoughts on “Imagine Running Public Relations for Lysol Right Now

  1. Poor Dr. Birx. You wanted to reach into the screen and pull her to safety. Sidebar: is being fired worse than supporting the injection or ingestion of isopropyl alcohol

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think she sees herself, along with Dr. Fauci, as the last link to any kind of sanity in this administration. Apparently, she was instrumental in getting Trump to disavow Gov. Kemp’s reopening of Georgia. I couldn’t sit there and pretend to make any sense out of what the talking yam is saying like she does. I would explode from the stress.

      Liked by 1 person

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