From New York Magazine, by Eric Levitz:
“So: Michael Cohen was simultaneously Trump’s trusted attorney, whose scrupulous commitment to abiding by the law the president had no reason to doubt — and, also, a pseudo-attorney whose primary responsibility was protecting Trump’s public image (i.e., the kind of person who might arrange a legally dubious payment to an adult-film actress to protect the GOP nominee’s public image in autumn 2016). The classic “Schrödinger’s lawyer” defense.”
From The Borowitz Report at The New Yorker:
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a frenzy of early-morning activity on Saturday, President Donald J. Trump ordered aides to immediately cover every phone in the White House with tin foil, White House sources confirmed.
According to the sources, Trump contacted staffers Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer at approximately 6 a.m. and instructed them to purchase enough tin foil to cover every phone in the building.
The President, still wearing his bathrobe after what was reportedly a sleepless night, personally supervised the tin-foil installation, sources said.
“Wrap it tighter,” he was heard bellowing at Conway.
After the installation was complete, Trump ordered the Secret Service to check every room in the White House for signs of former President Barack Obama.
“He’s still here somewhere, I know it,” Trump reportedly muttered.
From The Daily Kos and Bill in Maine:
To: All Patriotic American Patriots
From: The Office of Republican American Patriotism
RE: This Week’s List of Things To Hate and/or Be Scared Of
The following are the threats to your Homeland community for Dec. 14-18, 2015, as determined by the Republican party:
Bad guys with guns
Good guys with guns who turn out to be bad Muslims with guns
Miniaturized ISIS fighters coming up through your plumbing
Liberals artificially raising sea levels to bolster their phony climate change science
Parents talking to their children positively about gays
Gays conspiring with ISIS fighters and illegals to artificially raise sea levels
Vaginas without government-issued activity monitors
Blacks and Hispanics making a note to vote next November
Creeping Hillary Clinton
Suffocation from a Great Pyramid grain avalanche
Shadows that chillingly resemble your own
Solar panels sucking up all of the sun’s energy
Borders without walls
And as always, “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his simultaneous display of unstoppable dictatorial strong-arm tyranny and spineless lead-from-behind weakness.
For specifics on these and other threats that will get us all killed if we don’t deploy a minimum of 100,000 troops to Syria and ten guns in each American household, please tune to Fox News and/or attend your nearest Republican presidential candidate campaign rally. If you see any suspicious activity not having to do with police officers shooting unarmed black citizens or someone burning down a mosque, please report it to the proper authorities and take refuge in your survival bunker until we give the “all white, all Christian, all clear” signal.