1

Think of Your Grandma

“Ninety-nine percent of [the Covid cases revealed by testing] are totally harmless.”
— Trump

“We’ll be happy to debate the efficacy of masks with you when this is all over and you come in to sell your dead grandmother’s clothes. Masks required.”
— sign in vintage clothing shop in Phoenix

Things You Have Around Your Home That Could be Worth A Lot of ...

3

“Except for the Brown Ones. Those We Put in Cages.”

President Trump speaking at the March for Life anti-abortion rally:

“All of us here today understand an eternal truth — every child is a precious and sacred gift from God,” Trump said. “Together, we must protect, cherish and defend the dignity and the sanctity of every human life.”

9

Jeezus, It’s Always About You, Isn’t It?

Trump commenting on the death of journalist Cokie Roberts, who died today from breast cancer complications:

“I never met her,” Trump told reporters traveling with him on Air Force One. “She never treated me nicely. But I would like to wish her family well. She was a professional, and I respect professionals. I respect you guys a lot, you people a lot. She was a real professional. Never treated me well, but I certainly respect her as a professional.”

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2

Mango Juuls Don’t Kill People, People Smoking Mango Juuls Kill People.

From Esquire, by Jack Holmes:

“It’s here where we must stop and point out that the president just referred to his own son as, “she’s got a son—together.” Fatherhood! There’s also the stream-of-consciousness diatribe about The Trade Wars With Everyone, which somehow proves Trump loves American companies, even these specific American companies, even if he is going to ban their most lucrative products. But Trump makes it abundantly clear here that Melania got him onto this. Is she just reading news reports? Did they catch one of Barron’s friends Juuling in the Lincoln Bedroom? Whatever the reason, the Executive Branch is now against vaping. The government has identified a dangerous device and sought to remove it from the market.

And it’s here where we’ll insert the obligatory note that other devices which are far more definitively linked to death and injury are not up for any kind of ban. After all, the kids are in danger when they go to school and their peers offer them a Juul hit in the bathroom, but they’re also in danger when their peers show up with semiautomatic rifles and shoot them. Yet while e-cigarettes constitute something people choose to put in their own body—that is, not an express violation of other citizens’ rights—they’re up for a ban. Insanely powerful weapons of war, which are regularly used to infringe on the rights of other citizens, must be freely available to all in perpetuity.”

Mango Juuls don’t kill people, people smoking Mango Juuls kill people. Which is why we’re banning Mango Juuls.

 

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4

You Can Serve Our Country Overseas (Unlike Me), But Don’t Let Your Kid Be Born There, Says Trump

The Trump administration said Wednesday that children born to U.S. military members and government employees working overseas will no longer automatically be considered United States citizens.

The new policy guidance states that USCIS “no longer considers children of U.S. government employees and U.S. armed forces members residing outside the United States as ‘residing in the United States’ for purposes of acquiring citizenship under INA 320.”

The guidance states that “U.S. citizen parents who are residing outside the United States with children who are not U.S. citizens should apply for U.S. citizenship on behalf of their children under INA 322, and must complete the process before the child’s 18th birthday.”

Wow. Just…wow. I guess that’s one way of cutting down on immigration. If this was the case when the late John McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone to parents stationed there in the military, he wouldn’t be considered a natural born American citizen and couldn’t have run for the office of president. Huh…