From the New York Times, written by the hilarious Teddy Wayne:
1951. Seven-year-old Rudy Giuliani is caught by his mother with his hand in the cookie jar and crumbs around his mouth.
MRS. GIULIANI: Rudy, I told you not to eat the cookies!
RUDY: You said, “Don’t not eat the cookies.”
MRS. GIULIANI: I didn’t say that.
RUDY: You just admitted “I didn’t not say that.”
MRS. GIULIANI: You’re adding “not” to sentences to make them mean the opposite.
RUDY: (laughs boisterously) I’ve listened to hundreds of maternal statements, and it wasn’t until the third time I replayed what you said in my mind, because there’s no way to easily record conversations in the current year — 1951 — that I heard the “not.” And even if your original statement is what you didn’t not say it wasn’t not, could you actually prove that I ate multiple cookies?
MRS. GIULIANI: No, but that’s beside the —
RUDY: Being told “don’t eat the cookies” and eating a single cookie isn’t a federal crime, correct?
MRS. GIULIANI: We’re moving the goal posts from “I didn’t eat the cookies” to “I ate a single cookie, which isn’t a federal crime”?
RUDY: Who tipped you off to the alleged cookie theft?
MRS. GIULIANI: Your cousin.
RUDY: Cousin Michael’s been a known liar and a tattler for years.
MRS. GIULIANI: Two days ago, when he swore you didn’t finish the apple pie cooling on the window sill, you said he was “an honest and honorable cousin.”
RUDY: That was before he made these ridiculous allegations. What kind of scoundrel watches his cousin eat a pie off a window sill?
MRS. GIULIANI: So you’re confessing that you did eat the pie?
RUDY: Hypothetically, when in fact I wasn’t there, and also there never was a pie. Or a window sill.
Quote from the Cheeto-in-Chief about voter ID:
In March 2017, coal mogul Bob Murray came to the Washington headquarters of the US Department of Energy for a meeting with Secretary Rick Perry. Also at the table was Andrew Wheeler, who this month became acting head of the Environmental Protection Agency.
Murray, chief executive of Murray Energy, one of the largest coal companies in the country, was leading a pro-coal campaign on the Trump administration. He had sent a similar plan to Vice President Mike Pence as well as then-EPA head Scott Pruitt.
The Murray team’s agenda that day: a four-page action plan“for achieving reliable and low cost electricity in America and to assist in the survival of our Country’s coal industry.”
The plan had 17 bullet points, including cutting the EPA staff at least in half, because, according to Murray:
“Tens of thousands of government bureaucrats have issued over 82,000 pages of regulations under Obama, many of them regarding coal mining and utilization. The Obama EPA, alone, wrote over 25,000 pages of rules, thirty-eight (38) times the words in our Holy Bible.”
And I ask you. Whose words makes more sense?
Trump’s tweet about Michael Cohen taping their conversation:
“Inconceivable that the government would break into a lawyer’s office (early in the morning) — almost unheard of,” Mr. Trump wrote on Twitter. “Even more inconceivable that a lawyer would tape a client — totally unheard of & perhaps illegal. The good news is that your favorite President did nothing wrong!”
#1–The FBI (the “government” he mentions here) did not “break into” Cohen’s office. They had a legal search warrant and Cohen himself has said they were professional and respectful while they went about their business. Search warrants are not “unheard of.”
#2–It is legal in the state of New York for one person to tape a phone conversation with another person without letting them know they’re being taped. Cohen used to do this in service to Trump all the time and Trump himself has been known to tape conversations.
#3–The good news is that our “favorite President” (not) most likely did something wrong or else he wouldn’t be in such a lather.
From The New Yorker:
US President Donald Trump has wrongly claimed that Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II reviewed her honor guard for the first time in 70 years during his visit to the United Kingdom last week.
Trump made the claim Tuesday as he read from a prepared statement at the White House in an attempt to rebuff fierce criticism over his comments at a news conference with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Helsinki, Finland, a day earlier.
“We met with the Queen, who is absolutely a terrific person, where she reviewed her honor guard for the first time in 70 years, they tell me,” Trump said, without specifying who “they” were.
“We walked in front of the Honor Guard, and that was very inspiring to see and be with her. And I think the relationship, I can truly say, is a good one. But she was very, very inspiring indeed.”
The Queen — who has been on the throne for 66 years, not 70 — regularly reviews a guard of honor from the Household Division.
From the NYT by Thomas L. Friedman on the Trump/Putin press conference:
Listening to Trump, it was as if Franklin Roosevelt had announced after Pearl Harbor: “Hey, both sides are to blame. Our battleships in Hawaii were a little provocative to Japan — and, by the way, I had nothing to do with the causes for their attack. So cool it.”