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This Just In: Obama Spied on Trump While He Was Heating Up HotPockets

Conway said Sunday that “surveillance” could go beyond the tapping of phones.
“What I can say is there are many ways to surveil each other,” Conway told the Record. “You can surveil someone through their phones, certainly through their television sets — any number of ways.”
She went on to allege that the spying could have been done with “microwaves that turn into cameras,” adding: “We know this is a fact of modern life.”
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Remember the Porta-Potty!

On the eve of a committee hearing on his anti-transgender bathroom bill, Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick compared the fight for passage of the measure to the Battle of the Alamo.

Patrick made the comments during a Monday briefing for pastors hosted by the Family Research Council, an anti-LGBT hate group, at the headquarters of the Texas Public Policy Foundation, a corporate-funded right-wing think tank.

Addressing the bathroom bill, Senate Bill 6, Patrick called on pastors to “go out and win this fight for America.” He added that “a strong America depends on a strong Texas,” and said SB 6 is about “Texas values.”

“Today, on this day, 189 people sacrificed their lives at the Alamo because they believed in something,” Patrick said, referring to the pivotal battle that ended on this day, March 6, in 1836.

“We’re not asked to give our lives. We’re not asked to grab our guns. We’re just asked to go cast courageous votes,” Patrick said. “And in the Senate, thank God, I think we have the votes to get out of committee and get off the Senate floor, but we have to get it all the way to the governor’s desk.”  

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Hey, Give the Guy a Break!

The top Republicans investigating Russia’s interference in the US election declined Tuesday to back up President Donald Trump’s claims that then-President Barack Obama wiretapped his Manhattan headquarters last year — leaving the White House on its own to explain the stunning allegation.

When pressed on whether he believed Trump’s allegations, House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes — one of Trump’s strongest supporters in the House and a member of his transition team — brushed aside the President’s allegations.
“A lot of the things he says, you guys take literally,” Nunes told reporters Tuesday.
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Let Them Have Flip Phones

“Well, we’re getting rid of the individual mandate. We’re getting rid of those things that people said that they don’t want,” Chaffetz replied. “Americans have choices, and they’ve got to make a choice. So rather than getting that new iPhone that they just love and want to go spend hundreds of dollars on that, maybe they should invest in their own health care.

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Andy Borowitz: “Trump Orders All White House Phones Covered in Tin Foil.”

From The Borowitz Report at The New Yorker:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a frenzy of early-morning activity on Saturday, President Donald J. Trump ordered aides to immediately cover every phone in the White House with tin foil, White House sources confirmed.

According to the sources, Trump contacted staffers Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer at approximately 6 a.m. and instructed them to purchase enough tin foil to cover every phone in the building.

The President, still wearing his bathrobe after what was reportedly a sleepless night, personally supervised the tin-foil installation, sources said.

“Wrap it tighter,” he was heard bellowing at Conway.

After the installation was complete, Trump ordered the Secret Service to check every room in the White House for signs of former President Barack Obama.

“He’s still here somewhere, I know it,” Trump reportedly muttered.

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“We’re Shocked…Shocked, I Tell You!”

CNN reported Wednesday that Russian ambassador Sergey Kislyak is considered by US intelligence to be one of Russia’s top spies and spy-recruiters in Washington, citing current and former senior US government officials.
But asked by CNN’s team in Moscow about the report, Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Maria Zakharova insisted Kislyak was “a well-known, world-class diplomat.”
She added, “He was deputy minister of foreign affairs in Russia, who has communicated with American colleagues for decades in different fields, and CNN accused him of being a Russian spy … of recruiting? Oh my God!”
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