14

Have a Heterosexual Day

From The Daily Kos:  “One Fine Morning in Arizona”

[Jingle Jangle!]

Shop owner: Hello! Welcome to Widget Barn! How can I help you in a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Yes, I’m looking for a widget.
Shop owner: In a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Huh?
Shop owner: It’s my sincere religious belief that I can only serve heterosexuals here. You…are heterosexual, I presume.
Customer: How can you tell?
Shop owner: Well, you drove up in a Chevy pickup. You’re wearing a John Deere hat. Those work boots have clearly gotten a workout in the heterosexual dirt…
Customer: I’m not lisping.
Shop owner: That, too!
Customer: I’m not prancing. I’m not dropping any soap. I’m not humming Donna Summer…
Shop owner: …or YMCA.
Customer: Still, I could be putting on an act. You know how good gays are at acting. I hear Hollywood’s full of them.
Shop owner: Well, are you gay?
Customer: I don’t know. Am I?
Shop owner: I don’t know.
Customer: Your sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid you from selling to gays, but you don’t even know one when you see one?
Shop owner: I… But… Look, do you want a widget or not?
Customer: Sorry, but my sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid me from buying from bigots.

[ker-SLAM!]

Shop owner: Good lord. The world sure is full of rude people.

 

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6

Mr. Trump? Papers, please….

Whiplash inducing quotes of the day from Donald Trump, who, when asked by Larry King if Mexican-Americans have reason to be distainful of the new law in Arizona giving police the right to stop anyone that they think might be in the country illegally, said this:  

TRUMP: Well, I can see that, but if you think about it, and nobody wants to say it, you have a Mexican-American, and then you have a blonde guy walking down the street, well Mexico doesn’t have a lot of blondes, okay? And these are the people who are coming across the border.

KING: But do you favor stopping people on the street?

TRUMP: What are you going to do? I mean, are you going to stop people to see if they’re supposed to be there? And personally as a citizen I wouldn’t mind, I really wouldn’t mind.

KING: [to Melania] Would you mind if people from Slovenia were stopped if they looked funny?

M. TRUMP: Well, I think everybody needs to have papers, you know, and be legally here. We need to have papers if we go anywhere else in the world, so people need to have also the papers here.