Wrinkle Resistant

The other night I was watching t.v. when another of those “miracle wrinkle remover” commercials came on. 

You know the ones, where they say they have a limited supply but they’ll send it to you for free if you just pay shipping and handling costs.  That’s because the stuff is essentially worthless and the company makes all of its profit on the shipping and handling.

There have been many ads like this lately but this one had a new “wrinkle” to it, pardon the pun.  It stated up front the only women who might benefit from their product are “between the ages of 40 and 60.”

Whoa.  This is the first time I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been deemed a hopeless case by the cosmetic industry.  It’s like, cosmetically speaking, I’ve been set on an ice floe and shoved out to sea.  If there still were ice floes.

I guess this company considers my wrinkles are of the permanent press variety.  In other words, in there to stay. 

I can just see the bigwigs sitting around the corporate conference table, discussing women over 60: 

“Naw, Herb, the wrinkles on those broads are so deep, even a steam roller wouldn’t flatten ’em.  Let’s go with the younger chicks who just think they have wrinkles.”  Guffaws all around.

My new patron saint of aging gracefully is Betty White.  So far I’ve really enjoyed her in her new TVLand sitcom “Hot in Cleveland,” along with her co-stars Wendie Malick, Valerie Bertinelli and Jane Leeves.

In one episode Jane is lamenting to Betty that she feels she’s getting old.  Betty tells her a secret that no one knows—that even though she is old, she still feels the same on the inside.  She goes on to admit that she’s often surprised that the face looking back at her from the mirror is not the face she was expecting to see.

Then Betty narrows her eyes, looks off into the distance and mutters:

“Sometimes she bugs me.”

I  hear ya, Betty.  Sometimes she bugs me too.