1

Ah, Moochy Boy, We Hardly Knew Ye

Tweet of the Day—

    Darth @darth

“is this the line for nachos”

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2

Uh Uh, Lil’ Marco.

From The Hill:

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) traveled with President Obama on Air Force One Thursday to Orlando, where the president will meet with victims’ families and survivors of the mass shooting at a popular gay nightclub.

It’s rare for Republican lawmakers to fly with Obama on the presidential aircraft, especially those who have been vocally critical of him, like Rubio.

Didn’t Lil’ Marco learn anything from Chris Christie’s Obama-lovin’ hug after Hurricane Sandy? Didn’t he?

This will be the Kiss of Death for his future senatorial ambitions for sure.

2

Poor Chris Christie. Always the Butt of the Joke.

Donald Trump is looking to shake up the Republican convention this summer and said he’s considering doing away with lengthy speeches by politicians that don’t pay enough attention to the nominee.

“What I’m thinking about doing for the convention is rather [than] these politicians, you know — they’re gonna get up and speak and speak and speak,” Trump said at a rally in Richmond, Va., Friday. “You remember last time with [Mitt] Romney, all these politicians got up and they kept speaking and they didn’t mention Romney’s name. They spoke— one guy spoke for like 45 minutes. He never mentioned Romney’s name. He said, ‘Oh good luck by the way with the election,’ at the end, walked off.

“Well we’re going to do it a little differently, if it’s OK.”

That “one guy” was Chris Christie, who now has his lips planted firmly on Donald Trump’s ass.

So sad!

“And we’re definitely not having a speaker like this guy!”

1

Quick, Someone Get Lil’ Marco a Dictionary!

Marco Rubio on engaging Chris Christie in the debates:

“I don’t think it impacted voters, but I do think it impacted media coverage in the days leading up to the New Hampshire vote, which I think ultimately hurt us. I think we would have finished very strongly in New Hampshire had it not been for that, and it might have led to a different outcome in South Carolina and maybe changed the directory of the race.”

Trajectory, directory. Who cares? It’s all just a bunch of words anyway. Damned elites.

 

3

People of WalMart Form PAC for Christie: “He’s Just Like Us!”

This just in—The People of WalMart have formed a political action committee for Gov. Chris Christie to urge him to run for the presidency of the United States.  The new fundraising committee has taken the name FATPAC for Christie.

Well-placed sources tell me that members of the new PAC are excited because, not since William Howard Taft, have we had a president who (in their words) “so closely represents the citizenry of this country.”

“Finally,” says Elrod C. Pflugpucker, FATPAC’s official spokesman, “we’ll have someone in the White House again who understands the average American’s basic needs and wants:  a scooter in every house and the federal defunding of Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and NutriSystem.”

Mr. Pflugpucker went on to say that Mitt Romney was wrong when he said he would bring back to the White House the bust of Winston Churchill.

“Chris Christie will bring back President Taft’s bathtub.”