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Texas’s Lieutenant Governor Says Dying Not as Bad as Living in State Where He Is Lieutenant Governor

Satire from The New Yorker, by Andy Borowitz:

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Urging Texans to “keep things in perspective,” Texas’s lieutenant governor, Dan Patrick, said on Wednesday that dying is “surely not as bad” as living in a state where he is lieutenant governor.

Patrick, whose vehement anti-living message has stirred controversy across the country, said that he was speaking out to remind Texans that there are “some things worse than dying.”

“It’s time for a reality check, folks,” Patrick said. “If you wake up every morning and remember that I am the second-highest-ranking elected official in your state, maybe dying doesn’t look so bad, after all.”

Arguing that “dying has got a bad rap,” he blasted the media for what he called its “flagrant anti-death bias.”

“All these media people who go on about how dying is the worst thing in the world have never spent any time with me,” he said.

Dan Patrick speaking to the press

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Remember the Porta-Potty!

On the eve of a committee hearing on his anti-transgender bathroom bill, Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick compared the fight for passage of the measure to the Battle of the Alamo.

Patrick made the comments during a Monday briefing for pastors hosted by the Family Research Council, an anti-LGBT hate group, at the headquarters of the Texas Public Policy Foundation, a corporate-funded right-wing think tank.

Addressing the bathroom bill, Senate Bill 6, Patrick called on pastors to “go out and win this fight for America.” He added that “a strong America depends on a strong Texas,” and said SB 6 is about “Texas values.”

“Today, on this day, 189 people sacrificed their lives at the Alamo because they believed in something,” Patrick said, referring to the pivotal battle that ended on this day, March 6, in 1836.

“We’re not asked to give our lives. We’re not asked to grab our guns. We’re just asked to go cast courageous votes,” Patrick said. “And in the Senate, thank God, I think we have the votes to get out of committee and get off the Senate floor, but we have to get it all the way to the governor’s desk.”  

Image result for alamo cartoon