14

Have a Heterosexual Day

From The Daily Kos:  “One Fine Morning in Arizona”

[Jingle Jangle!]

Shop owner: Hello! Welcome to Widget Barn! How can I help you in a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Yes, I’m looking for a widget.
Shop owner: In a totally heterosexual way?
Customer: Huh?
Shop owner: It’s my sincere religious belief that I can only serve heterosexuals here. You…are heterosexual, I presume.
Customer: How can you tell?
Shop owner: Well, you drove up in a Chevy pickup. You’re wearing a John Deere hat. Those work boots have clearly gotten a workout in the heterosexual dirt…
Customer: I’m not lisping.
Shop owner: That, too!
Customer: I’m not prancing. I’m not dropping any soap. I’m not humming Donna Summer…
Shop owner: …or YMCA.
Customer: Still, I could be putting on an act. You know how good gays are at acting. I hear Hollywood’s full of them.
Shop owner: Well, are you gay?
Customer: I don’t know. Am I?
Shop owner: I don’t know.
Customer: Your sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid you from selling to gays, but you don’t even know one when you see one?
Shop owner: I… But… Look, do you want a widget or not?
Customer: Sorry, but my sincerely-held religious beliefs forbid me from buying from bigots.

[ker-SLAM!]

Shop owner: Good lord. The world sure is full of rude people.

 

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