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Karma’s a Bitch, Ain’t It Mitch?

From The Washington Post by Dana Milbank on sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh:

“And Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (Ky.) was resolutely silent until late Monday, when the architect of the plan to deny President Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nominee, Merrick Garland, a hearing for 293 days went to the Senate floor and complained that Democrats didn’t follow “standard bipartisan process” by raising the allegations earlier.”

Image result for mitch mcconnell merrick garland

4

A Happy Holiday Tale

Courtesy of The Daily Kos and Bill in Maine:

Twas the night before Christmas and in his penthouse

Martin Shkreli was relishing his life as a louse

His millions were stacked to the ceiling with care

In bundles of Franklins thirty feet in the air

The pharma CEO slept smug in his bed;

While visions of price-gouging danced in his head;

Like the price of an AIDS drug he’d recently sent

Soaring to the heavens by five thousand percent

When over on Twitter there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my porn Bible lesson to see what was the matter.

Away to the home page I flew like a flash,

“BREAKING: Turing CEO’s career is headed for a crash!”

The moon over midtown made the Big Apple glow,

As if in a spotlight for a really big show,

When what to our wondering eyes did appear,

But a team of G-Men in full G-men gear

With a warrant for arrest and list of charges so thick,

I knew in a moment they’d be cuffing this prick

More rapid than eagles through his foyer they came,

And they read him Miranda, then his transgressions by name:

“You fraudster! You stealer! You vulture! You cheat!

You swindler, you schemer, you freaking deadbeat!

To the back of the car! To your waiting jail walls!

Now come this way! Come this way! We gotcha by the balls!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on Late Edition

That Shkreli had been fired from his corporate position

As I turned my head and was scratching my duff,

I saw perp-walking Martin, all bound up in cuffs.

He was smarmy and pale, a narcissistic little shit,

And America convulsed in a schadenfreudic fit;

The fear in his eye—oh, yes, it was there,

Soon gave me to know this guy had no prayer

He spoke not a word, but soon lost his smirk,

As prosecutors drooled over nailing this jerk,

And the whole world exclaimed as he disappeared with a snort

“Karma’s a bitch, pharma bro, and we’ll see you in court.”

NEW YORK, NY - DECEMBER 17:  Martin Shkreli (C), CEO of Turing Pharmaceutical, is brought out of 26 Federal Plaza by law enforcement officials after being arrested for securities fraud on December 17, 2015 in New York City. Shkreli gained notoriety earlie

4

Eh? Whadidya say?

For all of you who have read my posts that poke a bit of fun at my 90 year-old mother and her hearing, I want to say that karma has a way of biting one on the butt sometimes.

I know that my hearing isn’t what it used to be, mainly because of the constant ringing in both ears that I attribute to the Lipitor I took for several years before kicking that habit cold turkey.  (See my artist trading card “I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”)

But lately I’ve noticed that I have to ask people to repeat what they’ve just said and find myself indulging in more lip reading than I care to admit. 

I took a course in American Sign Language about twenty years ago and am tempted to teach it to my husband so I can converse with him while he’s driving.  He has hearing loss from his stint in the Coast Guard where they repeatedly fired off 40 millimeter cannons next to his right ear. When the driver’s side window is down even a little he can’t make out what I’m saying and I can’t hear him because of the whine in my left ear. 

A match made in heaven?

Anyway, the other night while watching the Olympics I had what might be called an epiphany, or at the very least an appreciation of what my mother is experiencing and what I have to look forward to.

I wasn’t really interested in what I was nominally watching.  I think it might have been the compulsory dance in ice dancing, where all the couples do a routine to the same mind-numbing tune—over, and over, and over.  So I was “multi-tasking” by reading a magazine at the same time. 

“Multi-tasking” for me means doing several things at once very badly.

I remember the channel went to commercial break for a car dealership.  I was paging through the magazine and wondering why Jennifer Aniston was on the cover of Architectural Digest instead of a photo of her house.  (Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of every magazine, it seems.  We’ll know she’s taken over the world when she turns up on the cover of AARP’s Modern Maturity.)

Then, I swear I heard the announcer say:

“….and zero percent APR for all qualified lesbians.”

What the hell?  I know a lot of corporations are targeting the gay and lesbian communities with special cruise packages and hotel deals, but a car dealership?

Then, to my chagrin, I reasoned that what I thought I heard as lesbian was in reality probably leases, leasees or something along those lines.  My ears didn’t pick up on the complete sound of the word so my brain decided to take over and just fill in the blanks a bit.  Helping me out, don’t ya know. 

I had to laugh about what I thought I’d heard, but it gave me pause.  What else have I been assuming I heard and understood, but didn’t? 

Move over, Mother, and hand me that ear trumpet, will ya?