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The Golden Commode Era of American Decline Is Upon Us

From Esquire, by Charles P. Pierce:

A good friend and mentor of mine once wrote that the only true blasphemy is that which attempts to make the profane sacred. He was talking about the deleterious, ego-boosting ceremonial aspects of the presidency of the United States, which served, he believed, to imbue whoever the president was with quasi-mystical qualities that prove extremely useful in the grubby political parts of the president’s job. I wish he’d lived long enough to watch the second night of the Republican National Telethon. He would have seen El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago demonstrate vividly what he’d written decades before. He would have seen a grifting, heathen president* garishly—and not entirely legally—use all the ceremony and trappings of the office as though they were the gold leaf in which he encrusted his commode.

He treated the pardon power as though he were a cut-rate game-show host bestowing the Grand Prize (“A complete living room suite!”) on the contestant who’d remembered the name of Lake Titicaca. He turned a citizenship ceremony, one of the few truly uplifting things government does anymore, into what Norman Mailer would have called an advertisement for himself. He arranged to have his Secretary of State deliver a psalm of praise over the darkened streets of Jerusalem, thereby profaning the entire American diplomatic corps, even those members of it untouched by his personal corruption. (Hi there, Woody Johnson!).

And he treated the White House worse than anyone has since the Royal Marines torched the joint in 1814. He turned it into his personal soundstage, and then handed it over to his wife, who delivered an overripe speech about nothing while dressed like Fidel Castro. [TTPT: My thought exactly!] Back before he became a threat to American democracy, the president* was notable for the baroquely bad taste with which he accessorized his various properties. Now that he has become a threat to American democracy, he’s still the same nouveau riche clown who believed that you class up the joint by dropping a white grand piano down in the lobby.

That was the only real impression worth having on Tuesday night. Oh, there was bullshit a’plenty, even without the Protocols of the Elders of Zion lady whom they cancelled at the last minute after she’d gone all Henry Ford that afternoon. Eric Trump, last seen taking the Fifth in front of New York prosecutors, lied three times before he got to his first punctuation mark, and wrapped it up by giving us a dinner-theater rendition of the “Papa, Can You Hear Me?” scene from Yentl. Tiffany Trump expressed solidarity with her fellow kidz in their struggle to find work.

In an act of pure chutzpah of a sort one thought the human mind incapable of, Pam Bondi, once the attorney general of Florida, gave a fantastical account of the Biden family’s corruption that came straight off the factory floor in the St. Petersburg that isn’t in Florida. This one had some extra tang to it because it was Bondi, during her time as Florida AG, who declined to pursue a state fraud case against Trump University, an action that coincided with a $25,000 contribution to her campaign from the Trump Foundation. Even the hypocrisy was in bad taste. Even the lies were tacky. The Golden Commode Era of American Decline is upon us.

The Art Museum That Offered Donald Trump a Solid Gold Toilet ...

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So, Tell Me. What Do These Two Contribute?

From the Washington Post:

As the uproar over President Trump’s racist remarks demanding four minority Democratic lawmakers “go back [to countries] from which they came” continued to flare Tuesday, the White House prepared to roll out a plan that would detail the type of immigrants the administration wants to admit to the United States. 

That interruption Tuesday is far from the only obstacle White House will face this year as it tries to generate momentum for its new immigration plan, which aims to reorient the current legal immigration system to one based primarily on an immigrant’s ability to contribute to the economy, rather than on family ties.

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Melania Trump’s parents, Amalija Knavs and “Trump stunt double” Viktor Knavs

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I AM SICK AND TIRED OF CONSTANTLY BEING BULLIED FOR MY EXTREME WEALTH AND POLITICAL POWER

From McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, by Bob Vulfov

“‘I could say I’m the most bullied person on the world,’ Mrs. Trump said in an interview with ABC News that was filmed during her visit to Kenya last week.” — New York Times, October 11, 2018

I have had enough! Army of butlers, please exit the parlor. Bullying is a serious issue for the supremely privileged and it is time for me to speak out. I refuse to let my brave voice be silenced, even though it literally never has been and never will be. It’s time for me to speak up on behalf of yacht owners and tax loopholers everywhere. As I sit on my throne of golden influence, I know more than ever that I am the most bullied person in the world.

Do you all think it’s easy to be on the wrong end of unreasonable income inequality, lapping up beluga caviar as most people can’t afford to pay their monthly rent? It’s extremely difficult to be me. I am often taunted with terrible verbal abuse, such as, “It looks like we’ve run out of caviar,” and “You have eaten over 12 tins of very expensive caviar this week.” When will somebody tell me it gets better? This morning, I stubbed my toe on my platinum coffee table because I was distracted reading a tweet claiming that I am canceled. My diamond-studded life is really hard.

I will no longer stand by silently as I am mercilessly ridiculed and bullied by the unwashed masses just because I happen to have an unpaid servant whose only responsibility is to tell me what the weather is like outside. I know I could just look it up on my phone, but I don’t want to. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t think I should be bullied just because I stand idly by as my friends, family, and I continue to accumulate wealth and influence on the backs of the poor and powerless. I deserve to continue living my immoral, complicit life without any criticism.

I can think of no person in the world who has been bullied to the extent that I have. Open a textbook, point to any figure throughout history, and I’ll tell you how I’ve been bullied worse than them. Every day I wake up as a member of the elite ruling class. I have complete economic freedom to do anything I want with no consequences. I can afford the best doctors — so I’m basically immortal — and the best lawyers — so I’m basically above the law. But, from time to time, someone says something slightly mean about me and my complicitness in the destruction of the planet. This bullying of me and my almost limitless power must stop.

I also don’t deserve to be mocked for dressing like a 19th-century colonialist while visiting countries that were most impacted by brutal colonial oppression. Sometimes, I think people just need to walk a mile in my $10,000 shoes. Then, maybe they’d think twice about bullying me.

 

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What the Hell?

This is the jacket Melania Trump wore when she traveled to Texas to meet with immigrant children detained in a shelter. She changed into something less tone-deaf when she actually visited them.

Her press secretary said that there was “no hidden message” involved here.

I’ll say. It’s right out there in the open. Maybe Melania is the only truth teller in the family.

 

Shocking: The khaki green Zara design featured the controversial phrase across the back - with the wording  visible from the side as Melania boarded her plane at Andrews Air Force BaseShocking: The khaki green Zara design featured the controversial phrase across the back - with the wording  visible from the side as Melania boarded her plane at Andrews Air Force Base

Here are some alternatives via Twitter: