From BREAKING BURGH A SATIRICAL BLOG SERVING WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA AND BEYOND
(Oslo, Kingdom of Norway) Having been alerted to the horrific terror attacks plaguing Sweden recently, the Norwegian government has decided it will not stand idly by and let the horrendous violence spread to its territory.
“We’d like to thank President Trump for bringing these atrocities in our backgarden to our attention.”
In order to protect itself, Norway has decided to build a secure wall along the border between the two countries that runs through the Scandinavian Mountains.
“Some losers are saying a fence would be better – don’t listen to them.”
Despite experts saying the wall would be enormously difficult to construct and could easily be bypassed using ladders or tunnels, Minister of Migration and Integration Sylvi Listhaug insisted on twitter using the hashtag #Byggenmur that she will not be deterred.
The construction of the wall through rugged mountainous terrain is expected to cost an enormous sum, however that will not pose a problem.
“We’re going to make Sweden pay for it.”
So. I’ve been trying these past few weeks to wrap my head around the outcome of the presidential election. I haven’t been very successful at it. I take a lot of deep breaths and tell myself to calm down, it can’t possibly be as bad as I imagine it will be.
But as it turns out—it already is.
Der Führer went on a “victory tour” yesterday and exulted in his crushing defeat of his foe (nevermind those 3 million more votes she got, which weren’t illegally gained, by the way.) He railed against the “dishonest” media, yet again, and continued his call for flag burning to be cause for loss of one’s citizenship, despite the fact that that has been proven to be un-Constitutional.
Hey, no biggie. Or bigly. Der Führer is calling the shots and when he says throw out the Constitution, we will respond by saying “How far?”
Anyhoo. I am tired of waking up in a cold sweat at 3:00 in the morning. During menopause I used to wake up in a hot sweat. I’ll take that over this any day.
So I’ve been pushing myself to get crafty (not Trump crafty, but actual craft-making crafty) and make some Christmas decorations. Since my maternal great-grandparents were from Norway, I used to have several of those red and white paper woven heart baskets that I had made when my son was a baby—50 years ago now.
But, cue the violins, all of my Christmas decorations were stolen from a storage unit a couple of years ago by a Grinch-like thief, so I decided to make some more.
This time out of felt.
Then, figuring I’m on a roll (and hoping my fingers will last a little longer before going numb from the exertion), I found some designs on the interwebs for a Dala horse and a bird. These two are pretty small, around two to three inches in length, but my artificial Christmas tree is pretty small too, so they should work just fine.
Then, my daughter saw them and requested a little larger Dala horse in slightly retro colors to go with her decor.
And lastly, in an “idle hands are the Trumps’ playground” fervor, I souped up a standard gingerbread house my grandkids sold to raise money for their school. It came pre-assembled with a kind of puny pack of candy and a bag of white royal icing.
I, however, had biglier plans.
I went to Walmart and bought a couple packages of pre-made cake decorations in the shape of Christmas lights and also a bag of red cookie icing. Then, being on a felt “bender,” I made a 3-D Snoopy.
The decorating process was somewhat excruciating—the royal icing was too watery at first and then too dry and kept oozing out of the zip-lock bag they provided. I always say “Next year I make my own!” and this time I mean it. If Alton Brown can do it, so can I.
The results were pretty satisfying, even though I was a wreck by the time I finished.
So, that’s what I’ve been doing to try to retain my sanity. How about you?
How are you coping in the post-Trumpian Apocalypse?
My good friend, Frumpzilla, over at The Frump Gazette had an excellent piece the other day on the U.S. as a nation comprised of immigrants. If you haven’t seen it yet, click here. It’s a must read, as always.
Our country used to “lift our lamp beside the golden door”, but now it seems we’ve turned out the light and are pretending nobody’s home.
That got me thinking about my own family immigration history. Some ancestors were here as early as the 1630’s, having left France by way of England after the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre in Paris. Others, the Norwegian side of my mother’s family, got here fairly recently in the 1870’s. Since they’re the “newest” immigrants in my family, I’d like to show you some photos and tell their story a bit.
So here’s a look at a family history that started with some brave individuals who took the chance to come to this country seeking a better life for themselves and their descendants. We owe them a lot. We are a nation of immigrants, and we should never forget it.