1

Somewhere, Sarah Palin is Smiling

Reposted from The Daily Kos and written by “Hunter.”

I just love the way this guy thinks:

“You can’t have Christmas without the War on Christmas, because if there’s one thing a certain (loud) segment of America is certain of it’s that the baby Jesus was born 2,000 years ago primarily to justify your own need to be a raging asshole to people. I see the Republican Party jumped aboard the asshole train nice and early this year.

In a tweet last week, the NRCC promoted the t-shirt, which reads “Happy Holidays is What Liberals Say” in a Comic Sans font on the front and “Merry Christmas!” on the back, for Black Friday.

As of Monday, the shirt looks to have been removed from the NRCC website. The online store is still selling a t-shirt milder version that says “Not Afraid to Say ‘Merry Christmas.’”

ChristmasLiberalsSay

The NRCC claims the shirt was pulled because it had sold out, not because anyone involved developed a sense of taste.

As John Avarosis points out, people who say “Happy Holidays” regularly include people other than the dreaded liberals, including Reince Priebus, George Dubya Freedom Bombs Bush, Bill O’Reilly, Fox News and the RNC themselves. (Also, too, one half of the vaunted Judeo-Christian hyphenated principles our country wuz foundered uppon, but during the months from September to December those hyphenated non-Christian types are all dismissed as practically Muslims; respect for the Jewish religion is, for most conservative Christians, a warm weather thing.)

Look, I understand where this is coming from. As I said, there are certain people who can only enjoy the holiday season if they think they are pissing other people off. If your point was to celebrate Christmas you could just wear a shirt saying Merry Christmas, but if your point is that liberals are terrible and that Christmas exists only as another reason for you to go around saying so, you buy yourself a “Happy Holidays is what liberals say” just so everybody you meet on that particular day feels just a wee bit uncomfortable to be around you, wondering if you are going to go off on one of your odd store-aisle rants about socialism again. This fills a deep-seated need in some people. You know—assholes. And assholes need shirts too.

I keep wondering if maybe we ought to make the War on Christmas a real thing, just as a farce. Non-Christians could start making an epic fuss over people saying “Merry Christmas” as if any of them actually gave a flying damn what other people say; we liberals could start printing up t-shirts saying “Merry Christmas is hate speech!” just to give some poor twit somewhere the Christmas vapors.

But that sounds like actual work, and I cannot imagine spending that much time pretending to give a damn about something that exists as outrage fodder only for a tiny minority of people for whom outrage is just as much a hobby as needlepoint or collecting potato chips that look like things. Spending the holidays (yes, there is more than one, hence the effing expression) wandering around town being obnoxious to people just does not sound like that much fun, probably because I am not an asshole.”

My sentiments exactly.

4

If…

From The Daily Kos (“Cheers and Jeers” by Bill in Portland, Maine):

“If…

…you engage in an IRS witch hunt even when your information is proven false, you believe rape kits prevent pregnancy from rape, you accuse anyone who starts a debate on race relations of being a reverse-racist, you claim the solution to the environmental effects of fossil fuels is to drill wider and deeper for them, you compare gays to pedophiles, you shout “global cooling!” on individual snow days in the winter but ignore record-breaking heat year after year, you openly and proudly call for secession, you believe economic expansion depends on economic contraction, you think alternative energy means switching from regular to premium, you want more tax breaks for the wealthy but not the middle and lower classes, you thought voting for the Iraq war was good judgment and you’d do it all over again, your idea of healthcare reform is “take more vitamins,” you insist that the primary role of Congress is to repeal laws, you think it should be more difficult for minorities to vote, you spend most of your time naming new post offices at the same time you’re trying to strangle the Postal Service, you keep funneling billions of tax dollars to Big Oil but starve green energy, you see commies behind every bush, you think it’s fine that women earn 77 cents for every dollar men make, you compare European immigrants’ “Secretariat DNA” to Mexican immigrants’ “donkey DNA,” you believe regulations on massively-predatory corporations are tyranny but regulations on ordinary workaday individuals are necessary to prevent “moochers,” you preach “abstinence only” to a demographic group that’s at the peak of their biologically-wired horniness, you can’t stomach the idea of a minimum living wage for people on the lowest rungs of society at the same time you can’t stomach a billionaire paying a few extra bucks in taxes, your response to the obscene level of gun violence in America is more guns, you bicker and dicker over funding for disaster relief, you scream “Jobs! Jobs! Jobs!” but do nothing about jobs except slash them, and you act all rough and tough yet you’re too frightened to ever criticize a conservative radio entertainer because you’re afraid he might destroy you with some words…

…then tell me again, Republicans: why should anyone listen to you?”

ICHCHeadUpAss

5

From the G.O.P. Prayer Book

Saw this by Yoni Brenner on The New Yorker website and just had to pass it along:

Peace Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

Where there is hatred, let me  sow love;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is faith, the right  kind of faith;

Thou knowest, something with Christmas and Easter,

And a  normative/non-ethnic Jesus.

Where there are taxes, let me lower them,

Where there are regulations, let me lift them,

Where there are capital gains,  let me leave them as is,

For capital gains are awesome,

And what is this,  France?

Where there are immigrants, let me deport them;

Where there are  gays, let me un-gay them;

And where there are women’s issues, let me sidestep  them,

Because, frankly, we’ve really been getting burned on that lately.

Speak, O Divine Master!

Whether directly to my soul or indirectly through  Roger Ailes;

Tell me Thy will, and I shall obey it!

Show me Thy path, and  I shall follow it!

Unless Thy will involves some form of gun control;

Which, as Thou knowest, is a nonstarter.

Amen.

Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/shouts/2013/03/shouts-murmurs-republican-prayers-humor.html#ixzz2OfuGDVnc

jesusrepublican

6

Take Two Aspirin and Don’t Call Me in the Morning

Whiplash inducing quote of the day from Foster Friess, the mega donor behind the pro-Rick Santorum Super PAC.

“On this contraceptive thing, my Gosh it’s such [sic] inexpensive,” he added. “You know, back in my days, they used Bayer aspirin for contraception. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t that costly.”

12

Feel Anything Yet?

Harold Camping is at it again.  Remember him from last May 21 when he said the end of the world was at hand?  Well, he made a teensy miscalculation at that time, so he upped the date of the Rapture to today, Oct. 21.

“Thus we can be sure that the whole world, with the exception of those who are presently saved (the elect), are under the judgment of God, and will be annihilated together with the whole physical world on Oct. 21,” he says on the website.

I like this little poem (courtesy of Christopher Hitchens) that explains it all for us:

We are the pure and chosen few
And all the rest are damned
There’s room enough in hell for you
We don’t want heaven crammed.

9

Charlton Heston He Ain’t

Here’s candidate Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, reflecting on her husband being “called by God” to run for the presidency:

“She likened Perry’s decision to run to encountering a “burning bush,” a reference to the Biblical story of Moses receiving a sign from God. And Anita Perry suggested that her husband’s current difficulties were a “test.”

“Last week, someone came up to Rick and gave him the scripture. He said “Rick, I want to tell you God is testing you,” she said.”

And, not unlike Gov. Goodhair’s time at Texas A & M, he’s making C’s and D’s.

And that “burning bush”?  I think that was the state of Texas this past summer.

Just sayin’.