5

Wake Up, Autumn, and Smell the B.S.

Trump Calls for Christian Unity at Liberty U.

Students said they did not know what to make of Trump’s recent public professions of faith.

Josh Neubauer, a senior, said he was skeptical. “I’ve seen him talk the talk but not walk the walk,” he said. “How can you call yourself a Christian and denigrate other religions?”

Others were more willing to give Trump the benefit of the doubt. “We all have our flaws, and he’s made mistakes in the past. Maybe he’s trying to make amends,” said Kaitlyn Bolton, a junior. Added her younger sister, Autumn, “I hope he’s not just using it as a ploy to get votes.”

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14

The Mullet of Malice

Kim Davis SOTU

I just had to re-blog part of this post from the Awesomely Luvvie website.

It hit the nail on its Bumpit-covered head, y’all.

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“The Ghost of Prejudice Present and her Mullet of Malice. This woman here. Someone said she’s Monday, if Monday was a person. And I cackled for 15 minutes, because it’s true. You know how you feel when you just had an amazing vacation with bae and y’all reached new levels in your relationship and then you get back home and realize you gotta get ready for work that starts in the morning? That feeling is Kim Davis’ whole persona.

This mullet, though. It’s not even business in the front, party in the back. It’s camping in the front, bed head in the back. None of it makes sense. Why is it so high and slick then long and frizzy?

And you got invited to the State of the Union address but decided to wear an UGLASS sweater that looked like it was made of kitchen mittens. What part of the game is that? The sad part is that this is probably her special occasion sweater. You ain’t got the right to be this much of a bigot AND be unstylish. You gotta pick one. It’s the first that’s making me make fun of her for the 2nd. If she was a decent person, I might let her cook a little bit.

The folks on my Awesomely Luvvie FB page went in so bad, I had to quit them all.

She had been saving her highest hairpiece, strongest bobby pins and finest Dress Barn patriotic sweater for such an event. – BKC

The sweater is the Savior of all things Extreme Christian right. It smells like the scorn of unwed mothers, homophobia, burned PPH pamphlets and Donald Trump’s hairspray. – MR

* She stood on her faith, so she must go to church every Sunday. How in God’s name don’t she possess one Sunday outfit? Not a Christmas skirt, a mother’s day shirt, or an Easter hat to hide that hair. Shit she was dressed better when she went to court. I guess she said frak y’all. Y’all gonna put me in the last row like I showed up late for the new Tyler Perry movie I’m gonna dress like the hypocrite that I am. – SG

* Is she wearing a Bumpit of Bigotry in her hair?! – CH

She looks like she just found out the President is Black. Like she got an invitation and had no idea what the State of the Union was and just came anyway and what like “what the hell?” – NR

* Seems like she and Paul Ryan were having a Resting Mad Face contest – CL

So this is why the bible says we should not mix fabrics (Leviticus 19:19). Lord she is breaking the rules so badly. – NM

I’m done. None of y’all are any good. How am I supposed to get my VIP pass into the Golden Gates of Heaven from St. Peter when I’m howling so loudly at the roast of Kim Davis?

Whew, bless that mess. Lemme leave Kim Davis alone. Like style did.”

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I  just love this woman. Luvvie that is. Not Kim.

0

Monday Memo

From The Daily Kos and Bill in Maine:

Monday Memo

To: All Patriotic American Patriots
From: The Office of Republican American Patriotism
RE: This Week’s List of Things To Hate and/or Be Scared Of
Status: Yellow

Dear Citizen,

The following are the threats to your Homeland community for Dec. 14-18, 2015, as determined by the Republican party:

Bad guys with guns

Good guys with guns who turn out to be bad Muslims with guns

Miniaturized ISIS fighters coming up through your plumbing

Liberals artificially raising sea levels to bolster their phony climate change science

Parents talking to their children positively about gays

Illegals

Gays conspiring with ISIS fighters and illegals to artificially raise sea levels

Vaginas without government-issued activity monitors

Blacks and Hispanics making a note to vote next November

Creeping Marxism

Creeping Hillary Clinton

Suffocation from a Great Pyramid grain avalanche

Shadows that chillingly resemble your own

Planned Parenthood

Solar panels sucking up all of the sun’s energy

Borders without walls

And as always, “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama and his simultaneous display of unstoppable dictatorial strong-arm tyranny and spineless lead-from-behind weakness.

For specifics on these and other threats that will get us all killed if we don’t deploy a minimum of 100,000 troops to Syria and ten guns in each American household, please tune to Fox News and/or attend your nearest Republican presidential candidate campaign rally. If you see any suspicious activity not having to do with police officers shooting unarmed black citizens or someone burning down a mosque, please report it to the proper authorities and take refuge in your survival bunker until we give the “all white, all Christian, all clear” signal.

Thank you.

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2

Gift Ideas for the Conservative

From The Daily Kos, written by Bill in Maine:

Ho Ho Ho!!!

It’s gift giving season, and here are some offerings from the Republican party for all the conniving conservatives on your CHRISTmas list:

The EZ Bake God’s Law Oven! Spread out the Supreme Court decision you disagree with—like, say, Roe v. Wade or Obergefell v. Hodges—on the handy baking sheet, pop it in the oven, turn the knob and Presto! Out comes a yummy biblical edict from the Lord A’mighty rendering it null and void. Personally recommended and endorsed by constitutional non-scholar Marco Rubio!

Chesterfields cigarette ad with Ronald Reagan---Christmas theme.
        And be sure to send Chesterfields to all your friends and family!

 

Acme Magic Video Creator! If you’ve made a false claim about something you witnessed to score cheap political points—like, say, harvesting of baby parts by Planned Parenthood or New Jersey residents cheering the World Trade Center towers as they fell—you need the Acme Magic Video Creator! Just push the button, describe the content of the footage you need, and watch it appear before your very eyes.  [Disclaimer: But nobody else’s eyes. We’re working on that.]

The Illegal Immigrant Express!  Pack up to 11 million illegals into this happy little engine-that-can and watch it chug-chug the whole bunch back across the Mexican border, dump ’em off, and return for more! Comes with locomotive, Donald Trump conductor action figure, and as many boxcars as ya need to ship ’em out.

Drill Here, Drill Now Play Set!  Solar sucks! Wind blows! Fossil fuels are what realAmericans use to make America great again you betcha! The Drill Here, Drill Now Play Set comes with a drill. A big drill. A massive, 30-foot-wide behemoth of a drill that makes professional drillers stop and mumble, “Holy [Bleep]! That’s a [Bleep]-ing drill.” Comes complete with four-word instruction booklet (“Drill here, drill now”) and emergency numbers to call when you inevitably bore into an electric, gas or sewer line. Or an oil pipeline. That would be awkward. Try not to do that.

 

Jade-Helm-night-drop.jpg
         Use your butterfly nets to trap Obama’s socialist paratroopers!

 

Let’s play Jade Helm 15! The board game where your mission is to defend the Republic of Texas from Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s insidious invasion by air, sea, and secret tunnels under local Walmarts! Meet at a San Antonio Applebee’s with your patriot freedom militiamen and plot your strategy. Then roll the loaded dice and yell: “Pew pew pew! Take that, you Kenyan colonialist tyrant! Yeehaw!” Naturally your side always wins because the history of your engagement will be written by the Texas School Board! Hours of fun for the whole family while you’re all cleaning your guns.

Backyard Great Pyramid Grain Storage Silo!  Some assembly required, which will take approximately 20 years. Grain sold separately. Add approximately $10 billion for shipping and handling.

Take that, Hammacher Schlemmer.