2

The “Chosen One” Has Spoken! Hop to It Everybody.

From Politico:

President Donald Trump on Friday used a tweet to order U.S. companies to find an alternative to doing business with China, as he lashed out at Beijing’s latest round of retaliatory tariffs and pledged to respond to them later in the day.

“The vast amounts of money made and stolen by China from the United States, year after year, for decades, will and must STOP. Our great American companies are hereby ordered to immediately start looking for an alternative to China, including bringing your companies HOME and making your products in the USA.”

So much winning…

 

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1

Wait…I Thought China Was Paying

From the Washington Post:

The White House on Tuesday said it would delay imposing tariffs on Chinese imports of cellphones, laptop computers, video game consoles, and certain types of footwear and clothing until Dec. 15, significantly later than the Sept. 1 deadline President Trump had repeatedly threatened.

Trump told reporters that he delayed the tariffs “just in case” they would have a negative impact on U.S. shoppers this holiday season, marking the most explicit admission he’s made so far that the tariffs could have raised costs for American consumers and businesses and had a negative impact on the economy.

“What we’ve done is we’ve delayed it so they won’t be relevant in the Christmas shopping season,” Trump said before boarding a flight to western Pennsylvania. “Just in case they might have an impact on people.”

 

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5

“Farm Products, Immigrants, It’s All the Same to Me.”

From the Washington Post:

“If we are able to make the deal with Mexico, & there is a good chance that we will, they will begin purchasing Farm & Agricultural products at very high levels, starting immediately,” Trump said in a tweet. “If we are unable to make the deal, Mexico will begin paying Tariffs at the 5% level on Monday!”—-Donald Trump

He sent his tweet from Air Force One as he was returning from a trip to Europe. It was not clear why Trump was suddenly tying the tariffs to trade issues rather than to Mexico’s ability to halt illegal immigration to the United States, which is what he said last week when he first leveled the threat.

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“Whatever.”

1

Trump Urges Americans to Boycott Chinese Goods and Just Buy Things at Walmart

Satire from The Borowitz Report:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Asking for their solidarity in his trade war with China, Donald Trump is urging Americans to boycott Chinese goods and “just buy things at Walmart.”

Trump made his request via Twitter, where he told his fellow-citizens that it was their “patriotic duty” to punish China by buying as many goods at Walmart as possible.

“If you go to a great american store like Walmart, you’ll find lots of cheap sportswear, shoes, and other items for you and your family to enjoy,” he tweeted. “What better way to show China that we don’t need their dumb stuff!”

Shortly after Trump sent those marching orders to his countrymen, the Chinese President, Xi Jinping, offered a muted response. “I’m beginning to see how he lost a billion dollars,” Xi said.

 

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