2

Donald Trump’s classified ad: LEGAL HELP WANTED!!!

Satire from The Washington Post, by Alexandra Petri:

“Former president Donald Trump and close aides have spent the eight days since the FBI searched his Florida home rushing to assemble a team of respected defense lawyers. But the answer they keep hearing is ‘no.’”

 The Washington Post, Aug. 16

LEGAL HELP WANTED

Must be: experienced lawyer!! Can say if things are legal or, if not, how to make them legal! Knows all the laws but isn’t TOO attached to them! If client has exciting new idea that might or might not be in keeping with law, lawyer should at least be OPEN to it and not come across all judgmental!

Must be willing to think outside the box. Should at least be familiar-ish with the laws that are laws FOR NOW but might get repealed soon (Rand Paul is working on it as hard as he can, but he can only do so much).

In-Court Appearance: Looks like a lawyer! Ideally sort of Sam Waterston (young, mid-2000s is best!) but anyone from main “Law & Order” cast is okay. SVU may be okay, we can discuss!

Compensation: Doesn’t like money too much! Is motivated to do great work for reasons other than money or being paid promptly! Ideally not obsessed with financial compensation and can find other rewards in the work itself. We will pay you in LOTS and lots of exposure! Ideal position for someone who wants to be on the national stage and is not obsessed with billing hours.

Enjoys seeing FLORIDA. Loves to be around BRASS. Hypothetically can look at a document and explain if it is supposed to be a SECRET or not.

Client: flawless, a god. Will NOT listen to advice! Will use own judgment regardless of what you suggest!!

Required Experience:

Nice to have: previous dealings with a federal criminal probe!

Other acceptable forms of experience: being on TV on a panel and yelling; being on TV on a panel and maintaining a judicious silence; being on FOX NEWS!!! (OAN acceptable but not preferred); being in real estate; appearing on TV in a commercial with at least a couple of cool sound effects like a gavel going SLAM or a cash register going CHA-CHING; appearing on a big billboard in a good location; having passed the bar; having passed *a* bar; owns several of those big leather-bound books with all the laws in them; has a desk blotter; has lots of fancy pens; has a business card that says LAWYER on it; has business card that on further inspection says LAVVYER on it; once met Mike Lindell; active member in good standing of r/legaladvice or has friend with an account who can ask questions for you.

Ideal candidate is open to having free ketchup shared with them sometimes at a very fast speed! Is open to being given free plates sometimes very fast! Is open to sharing steering wheel with a former government official! (Good reflexes required if not open to sharing.)

No-No’s (do not apply if any of these apply to you!!!): if you would describe yourself as a “real big stickler for upholding law” or “gets mad if client ignores legal advice” or “not at least a nine (if female)”; if you say stuff like “instead of repealing all the laws and inciting the public against the people whose job it is to enforce them, maybe you could simply try obeying the laws” (not necessary at this time); or if you’re Rudy Giuliani again.

2

This Timeline of Trumpworld Excuses Proves Mar-a-Lago Raid Week Was Even Stupider Than You Remember

From Esquire, by Jack Holmes:

The week that began Monday, August 8, provided such a neat encapsulation of the Trump Scandal Defense Cycle that we should not allow it to drift into summer-dog-day oblivion without comment. Each day brought a new development almost divinely crafted to expose the knee-jerk nihilist sycophancy of Trump’s defenders, as they repeatedly threw themselves in front of the Reality Bus only to be shocked—SHOCKED!to find themselves under the wheels by the following lunchtime.

The only difference from the good ol’ days of the reality-show presidency was that the protagonist’s efforts to throw out new outrage bait to drag the watching world away from the previous outrage did not succeed. He was stuck on one issue, continually spouting new excuses but unable to upend the game board. Let’s review.

Monday

Late in the day, we learned that the FBI had executed a search warrant approved by a federal magistrate judge to search Trump’s club and residence at Mar-a-Lago. The immediate question for many creatures who’ve been sentient for the last half-decade was, Which investigation was the raid in relation to? Soon enough, we learned it had to do with classified documents Trump took down to Florida from the White House. The immediate reaction from Trump was to suggest, without evidence, that President Joe Biden was behind the raid. The reaction from many of his fans, who all seemed to get a memo that was copypasta’d across a wide variety of MAGA bootlicker accounts, was some version of:

If they can do this to a former president, imagine what they can do to you.

Well, if I was under investigation for federal crimes, I might expect a visit from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. That a former president could also face investigation on suspicion he broke the law is not some profound disturbance in the Force, it’s an indication that, per our lofty credo, no one is above the law. By that evening, though, the same people who rail against defunding the police were calling for the FBI to be defunded and/or abolished. The major takeaway in MAGAland was that there was nothing there and no legitimate reason for the search.

Tuesday

January 6 pep rally MC-slash-Olympic sprinter Josh Hawley called for Attorney General Merrick Garland to resign or be impeached. He insisted the FBI Director, Christopher Wray—appointed by a certain D. Trump—must be removed from office. This was because the FBI serving a search warrant constituted “an unprecedented assault on democratic norms and the rule of law.” And Hawley would know.

His Senate colleague, Ted Cruz, helped to kick off the calls to “RELEASE THE WARRANT,” though he did grant that the search would only constitute political persecution if the Feds failed to produce evidence Trump was hoarding documents with serious national security implications. (For what it’s worth, I also was saying they better produce the goods at the time, and that’s still the case.) Also for what it’s worth, Trump could have immediately released his copy of the warrant—and the inventory of items taken, of which he also had a copy—at any point after the search.

There was also the debut of “the president can declassify anything,” which isn’t strictly true and also does not speak to whether Trump actually declassified these documents. We were also treated to the line that the FBI had mostly recovered boxes of knick-knacks like cocktail napkins and golf balls.

Wednesday

We arrived, fitfully, at the new talking point: The evidence was planted. Trump started saying that he and his lawyers had not been permitted to watch the search “to see what they were doing, taking or, hopefully not, ‘planting.'” But then his lawyer, Christina Bobb, said on Real America’s Voice that the Family Trump watched the raid remotely. At this point, you’ll note the documents were not important, were magically declassified if they were important, and also were planted by the FBI. Rand Paul also floated this latter idea on the television, while another Trump lawyer, Alina Habba, also went on Fox News to say, “I’m concerned that they may have planted something.” Again, zero evidence to support this. Totally normal lawyer stuff.

Elsewhere, Trump started yelling that Barack HUSSEIN Obama took 30 million documents—then it was 33 million—to Chicago after his presidency, and surely some were bad like Trump’s? “How many of them pertained to nuclear?” he asked. “Word is, lots!” The National Archives and Records Administration swiftly issued a statement that (twist!) this was fabulously false, and those documents are in NARA’s possession.

Fox News luminary Brian Kilmeade, filling in for Tucker Carlson, put a doctored photo on-screen that purported to show the judge who signed off on the warrant, Bruce Reinhardt, with Epstein accomplice Ghislaine Maxwell. Kilmeade would later say this was “in jest”—you know, a joke where you insinuate a federal judge is a pedophile when he’s already subject to a barrage of anti-Semitic threats that have forced his synagogue to cancel the weekend’s services.

Thursday

The news was not good for Trump. New revelations indicated the documents in question were quite serious. The New York Times reported they included “special access programs,” a kind of super top secret, while the Washington Post shared that some had to do with nuclear weapons. Trump responded with a new line, asking why-oh-why the FBI didn’t just ask for the documents. The flying monkeys descended to whine about why Mar-a-Lago was raided—INVADED!—when the federales could simply have submitted a nice request to get the documents back.

“My attorneys and representatives were cooperating fully, and very good relationships had been established,” Trump truthed on Truth Social. “The government could have had whatever they wanted, if we had it.”

But later that day, the Times reported that Trump had been served a subpoena months earlier, as the Feds sought to recover the documents without a raid. (Back in January 2022, the National Archives separately went and retrieved 15 boxes of material.) Justice Department officials also met with Trump’s lawyers at Mar-a-Lago in June and reviewed some of the materials and the security setup. A glance at the latter prompted them to ask Trump’s people to put a padlock on the storage room. One of Trump’s lawyers signed a written declaration then that all the classified material had been returned to the Feds.

But then Attorney General Merrick Garland addressed the situation and agreed to release the warrant, and the accompanying inventory of items seized was soon public as well. It included 11 sets of classified documents. Sounds like maybe they were not “cooperating fully”? We also learned the search was related to an investigation into three specific crimes: violation of the Espionage Act, obstruction, and theft or destruction of government records. Intriguingly, none of these potential charges reportedly hinge on the documents in question being classified.

Friday

At this point, we’ve heard there was nothing important in the boxes (until there was); the rule of law was under threat because a former president was being investigated (for possibly breaking the law); and the documents were planted by the FBI. Also, Obama. But wait, what about that whole notion that they’d been magically declassified by the president? It was on the back-burner all week, but Trump turned to it in his time of need as the weekend approached and every other excuse had fallen through. The previously “planted” documents were suddenly legit, and he’d declassified them. In fact, Trump announced—incredibly—that he’d had a standing order in place to declassify all documents he brought to the White House residence.

The very fact that these documents were present at Mar-a-Lago means they couldn’t have been classified. As we can all relate to, everyone ends up having to bring home their work from time to time. American presidents are no different. President Trump, in order to prepare the work for the next day, often took documents, including classified documents, to the residence. He had a standing order that documents removed from the Oval Office taken to the residence were deemed to be declassified the moment he removed them.

Yes, the president who made 285 visits to a golf club during his tenure was hard at work. Mr. Trump also has a bridge to sell you. By the way, if all this is true, why didn’t he just sort all this out by giving the documents back when the Feds asked for them? Why does he need (in this formulation, “formerly”) classified documents in his basement?

At this point, yet another excuse started to roll in: Trump didn’t pack the boxes himself! (Granted, virtually no one thinks that he was in there with packing tape.) He didn’t know what was in there! So again, why did he refuse to give them back when repeatedly asked?

But that was a prelude to the ultimate excuse, a shameless special: Trump was so caught up in the “chaotic time” of January 2021 that he didn’t have time for this stuff. Fox News kicked it off on Friday:

NBC News came in with a report the following day that seemed to extend this reasoning:

When it finally dawned on Donald Trump in the twilight of his presidency that he wouldn’t be living at the White House for another four years, he had a problem: He had barely packed and had to move out quickly…In the run-up to Congress’ certification of Biden’s victory on Jan. 6, 2021, Trump acted as if he had won the election — he hadn’t — and did little to ensure a smooth transition, according to the source familiar with Trump’s move who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the records investigation.The source said that it was only after Jan. 6 — two weeks before Biden’s swearing-in — that he began to make serious preparations to vacate the White House. And the process was a mess.

If you’re following along at home, the idea is that Trump was so caught up with his autogolpe that he didn’t have time to worry about all this classified stuff. He didn’t think about leaving until after his coup failed! You can’t blame him for then heading down to Florida with some top-secret intel and stashing it in his basement!

But wait, there was still time for one more lickspittle to jump all the way out on yet another limb:

Alright, man. Jump out in front of that bus. I’m sure Captain Trump will swerve to avoid you.

1

The MAGA Crowd May Venerate 1776 But They Idolize a Would-Be Monarch

From The Bulwark, by Jeffrey C. Isaac:

Like its predecessors on the American right, the MAGA movement draws heavily on the rhetoric and iconography of the American Revolution. Such rhetoric was brought into full view during the January 6th insurrection, when the crowd that stormed the Capitol bore “1776” banners and Betsy Ross flags and the markings of the Three Percenters (the militia movement whose name derives from the mistaken belief that only 3 percent of the American population fought in the Revolution). And it has surfaced again, with a fury, in response to last week’s FBI search and seizure of documents from President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence.

The MAGA adherents who bedeck themselves in the symbols of the Revolution imagine themselves to be zealous patriots, modern-day Sons of Liberty and Minutemen at Lexington and Concord, standing against tyranny. The MAGA fanatic who died in a shootout last week after he attacked the FBI field office in Cincinnati said as much, referring to “patriots” in his postings to Trump’s Truth Social website and replying to MAGA superstar Marjorie Taylor Greene that “the next step is the one we used in 1775.”

The irony here is that the real-life American revolutionaries were avowed enemies of monarchy, while today’s wannabe revolutionaries have as their leader and hero Donald Trump, the most arrogant, monarchical president in U.S. history, a man who truly imagines himself to be beyond the law that applies to everyone else.

Even this latest scandal involving the documents stored at Mar-a-Lago gives evidence of Trump’s monarchical self-regard. One of the most sycophantic Trump supporters, Rep. Jim Jordan, said last week that “everyone knows” it is “ridiculous” to question Trump’s possession of classified documents, because “Come on, he’s the ultimate classifier and decider.”

Trump agrees: He has boldly declared that he declassified everything in question, at will and on his own word, as if this is sufficient. Trump’s camp insists that “he had a standing order . . . that documents removed from the Oval Office and taken to the residence were deemed to be declassified the moment he removed them.”

So forget the fact that “declassification, even by the President, must follow established procedures.” Trump’s courtiers assert—without providing any evidence—that he had a policy in place that said he could take classified documents anywhere he pleased and those documents, as if by royal fiat, would instantly be declassified. The king’s will is law.


What would the men and women who supported America’s break with the British monarch make of Trump’s monarchical inclinations? Here is Thomas Paine, in Common Sense, the Revolution’s most important pamphlet:

Independency means no more than this, whether we shall make our own laws, or, whether the King, the greatest enemy this continent hath, or can have, shall tell us there shall be no laws but such as I like. . . . In America the law is king. For as in absolute governments the King is law, so in free countries the law ought to be king; and there ought to be no other. [Emphasis in original.]

Here is Thomas Jefferson, author of the Declaration of Independence, writing to George Washington from Paris in 1788:

I was much an enemy to monarchy before I came to Europe. I am ten thousand times more so since I have seen what they are. There is scarcely an evil known in these countries which may not be traced to their king as it’s source, nor a good which is not derived from the small fibres of republicanism existing among them. I can further say with safety there is not a crowned head in Europe whose talents or merit would entitle him to be elected a vestryman by the people of any parish in America.

And what of Washington himself? In 1782—during the period after the victory at Yorktown but before the peace treaty was signed—Gen. Washington received a memo from a Philadelphia official suggesting that a new government be constituted with a king (presumably Washington himself) at its head. Washington immediately responded to describe his “surprise,” “astonishment,” and “abhorrence”: “You could not have found a person to whom your schemes are more disagreeable.”

If the American Revolution’s most important leaders and their most ardent followers agreed on any one thing, it was that no man was above the law. And yet the Revolution’s current MAGA enthusiasts live by the motto “Trump is ours and he can do no wrong.” And the more that their man stretches the bounds of legality, propriety, and credulity, the more they support him.

Donald Trump was the first presidential candidate in forty years to refuse to release tax returns.

Donald Trump was the first president in U.S. history to treat national security as a matter of his own private whim—long before this latest scandal over classified documents. Within days of his inauguration, the New York Times reported that he coordinated the administration’s response to a North Korean missile test on the Mar-a-Lago terrace in full view of guests, “a remarkable public display of presidential activity that is almost always conducted in highly secure settings.” Like a monarch, he sought to give official positions to his heirs, and then he reportedly overruled security officials and staffers to get them top-secret clearance.

Donald Trump continued to run his private business while in the White House, despite promises not to, and regularly ignored the Constitution’s Emoluments Clause, leasing federal property for his Trump International Hotel in the nation’s capital, where foreign governments spent millions, and where political allies and lobbyists spent millions more frequenting the hotel and its bar while Trump served as president.

Donald Trump famously has the tacky taste and tendency toward ostentation of a minor king, and it was reported last month that he has been garishly and illegally using the presidential seal to promote the Saudi government-backed LIV Golf Tournament at his Bedminster, New Jersey golf course. According to the Washington Post, “the seal was plastered on towels, golf carts and other items” at the event.

And Donald Trump is, of course, the only president in U.S. history to be impeached twice; the only president to refuse to concede office after losing an election (indeed, the only major presidential candidate to refuse to concede a lost election); and the only president to attempt to overturn the election results, going so far as to incite violent supporters who were calling for the death of his own vice president.

Yet despite all that, Trump continues to lead the Republican party, and continues to attract followers.

“We are a constitutional republic. We are not a democracy,” Trump’s MAGA partisans like to say (exhuming a slogan from the John Birch Society). It is supposed to explain why they do not care what others say about the outcome of the 2020 presidential election, and why they continue to support their man Trump.

But in fact, what they defend is neither a republic nor the Constitution, but a demagogue who has no respect for either—and who would rule as a king if he could.

3

A Laugh Out Loud Review of Jared Kushner’s Book

From The New York Times, by Dwight Garner:

BREAKING HISTORY
A White House Memoir
By Jared Kushner
492 pages. Broadside Books. $35.

The United States Secret Service isn’t known for its sense of humor, but when it gave Jared Kushner the code name “mechanic,” was someone betting that he’d call his memoir “Breaking History”?

It’s a title that, in its thoroughgoing lack of self-awareness, matches this book’s contents. Kushner writes as if he believes foreign dignitaries (and less-than dignitaries) prized him in the White House because he was the fresh ideas guy, the starting point guard, the dimpled go-getter.

He betrays little cognizance that he was in demand because, as a landslide of other reporting has demonstrated, he was in over his head, unable to curb his avarice, a cocky young real estate heir who happened to unwrap a lot of Big Macs beside his father-in-law, the erratic and misinformed and similarly mercenary leader of the free world. Jared was a soft touch.

“Breaking History” is an earnest and soulless — Kushner looks like a mannequin, and he writes like one — and peculiarly selective appraisal of Donald J. Trump’s term in office. Kushner almost entirely ignores the chaos, the alienation of allies, the breaking of laws and norms, the flirtations with dictators, the comprehensive loss of America’s moral leadership, and so on, ad infinitum, to speak about his boyish tinkering (the “mechanic”) with issues he was interested in.

This book is like a tour of a once majestic 18th-century wooden house, now burned to its foundations, that focuses solely on, and rejoices in, what’s left amid the ashes: the two singed bathtubs, the gravel driveway and the mailbox. Kushner’s fealty to Trump remains absolute. Reading this book reminded me of watching a cat lick a dog’s eye goo.

The tone is college admissions essay. Typical sentence: “In an environment of maximum pressure, I learned to ignore the noise and distractions and instead to push for results that would improve lives.”

Every political cliché gets a fresh shampooing. “Even in a starkly divided country, there are always opportunities to build bridges,” Kushner writes. And, quoting the former White House deputy chief of staff Chris Liddell: “Every day here is sand through an hourglass, and we have to make it count.” So true, for these are the days of our lives.

Kushner, poignantly, repeatedly beats his own drum. He recalls every drop of praise he’s ever received; he brings these home and he leaves them on the doorstep. You turn the pages and find, almost at random, colleagues, some of them famous, trying to be kind, uttering things like:

It’s really not fair how the press is beating you up. You made a very positive contribution

I don’t know how you do this every day on so many topics. That was really hard! You deserve an award for all you’ve done.

I’ve said before, and I’ll say again. This agreement would not have happened if it wasn’t for Jared.

Jared did an amazing job working with Bob Lighthizer on the incredible USMCA trade deal we signed yesterday.

Jared’s a genius. People complain about nepotism — I’m the one who got the steal here.

I’ve been in Washington a long time, and I must say, Jared is one of the best lobbyists I’ve ever seen.

A therapist might call these cries for help.

“Breaking History” opens with the story of Kushner’s father, the real estate tycoon Charles Kushner, who was imprisoned after hiring a prostitute to seduce his brother-in-law, having the encounter filmed and sending the tape to his sister. He was a good man who did a bad thing, Jared says, and Chris Christie, while serving as the United States attorney for New Jersey, was cruel to prosecute him so mercilessly.

There is a flashback to Kushner’s grandparents, Holocaust survivors who settled in New Jersey and did well. There’s a page or two about Kushner’s time at Harvard. He omits the fact that he was admitted after his father pledged $2.5 million to the college.

If Kushner can recall a professor or a book that influenced him while in Cambridge, he doesn’t say. Instead, he recalls doing his first real estate deals while there. He moved to New York, and bought and ruined a great newspaper (The New York Observer) by dumbing it down and feting his friends in its pages.

His wooing of Ivanka Trump included a good deal of jet-setting. Kushner briefly broke up with her, he writes, because she wasn’t Jewish. (She would later convert.) Wendi Murdoch, Rupert’s wife, reunited them on Rupert’s yacht. Kushner describes the power scene:

On that Sunday, we were having lunch at Bono’s house in the town of Eze on the French Riviera, when Rupert stepped out to take a call. He came back and whispered in my ear, “They blinked, they agreed to our terms, we have The Wall Street Journal.” After lunch, Billy Joel, who had also been with us on the boat, played the piano while Bono sang with the Irish singer-songwriter Bob Geldof.

With or without you, Bono.

Once in the White House, Kushner became Little Jack Horner, placing a thumb in everyone else’s pie, and he wonders why he was disliked. He read Sun Tzu and imagined he was becoming a warrior. It was because he had Trump’s ear, however, that he won nearly every time he locked antlers with a rival. Corey Lewandowski — out. Steve Bannon — out.

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, who begged Kushner to stop meddling internationally — out. (Kushner cites Tillerson’s “reclusive approach” to foreign policy.) By the end, Tillerson was like a dead animal someone needed to pull a tarpaulin over.

Kushner was pleased that the other adults in the room, including the White House chief of staff Reince Priebus, the White House counsel Don McGahn and the later chief of staff John Kelly, left or were ejected because they tried, patriotically, to exclude him from meetings he shouldn’t have been in. The fact that he was initially denied security clearance, he writes, was much ado about nothing.

The bulk of “Breaking History” — at nearly 500 pages, it’s a slog — goes deeply into the weeds (Kushner, in his acknowledgments, credits a ghostwriter, the speechwriter Brittany Baldwin) on the issues he cared most about, including prison reform, the Covid response and the Middle East, where he had a win with the Abraham Accords.

This book ends with Kushner suggesting he was unaware of the events of Jan. 6 until late in the day. He mostly sidesteps talking about spurious claims of election fraud. He seems to have no beliefs beyond carefully managed appearances and the art of the deal. He wants to stay on top of things, this manager, but doesn’t want to get to the bottom of anything.

You finish “Breaking History” wondering: Who is this book for? There’s not enough red meat for the MAGA crowd, and Kushner has never appealed to them anyway. Political wonks will be interested — maybe, to a limited degree — but this material is more thoroughly and reliably covered elsewhere. He’s a pair of dimples without a demographic.

What a queasy-making book to have in your hands. Once someone has happily worked alongside one of the most flagrant and systematic and powerful liars in this country’s history, how can anyone be expected to believe a word they say?

It makes a kind of sense that Kushner is likely to remain exiled in Florida. “The whole peninsula of Florida was weighted down with regret,” as Cynthia Ozick put it in “The Shawl.” “Everyone had left behind a real life.”

2

Quotes of the Day

From Politico:

Open government groups were already, by that point, trying to force the administration’s hand to preserve its records. Tom Blanton, director of the independent non-governmental National Security Archive at George Washington University — one of those groups pressing the White House — explicitly said that the goal was to “prevent a bonfire in the Rose Garden.” He and others were concerned by reports that White House staff and outside advisers were using personal email, WhatsApp and disappearing messages.

There was also a belief that Trump simply didn’t care for the law around records preservation.

“The counsel’s office was often working at cross-purposes with the way President Trump treated records,” Blanton said. “To Trump, the White House was another casino he had bought. This one was just on Pennsylvania Avenue.”

2

Trump didn’t take the cookies. Nope. Never. Why ask?

From The Washington Post, by George T. Conway III:

You’re looking for cookies? There are no cookies here.

I don’t have any cookies. I don’t even like cookies. Won’t eat them. Never had one in my life.

Never even seen one. Not once. Ever.

I like steak and hamberders — I mean, hamburgers. For dessert, I have ice cream. Vanilla. Two scoops. Sometimes on pie. Definitely NOT cookies.

And if I had cookies, they would only be the Best Cookies. Big, beautiful, gorgeous, magnificent cookies. Cookies like no one has ever seen.

And totally, totally hot. Not cold, ugly cookies like yours.

The cookies you’re looking for, they look and taste like sh–. … I mean, I didn’t try them; someone else did. The cookies were terrible, people are saying. MANY people.

These cookies weren’t my type.

What? You’re saying you have photos of me with cookies? That’s a Complete Lie.

Your pictures are FAKE — just like you are. This is a Another Complete and Total Hoax.

First, you made up the Russia Hoax. Then the Ukraine Hoax, and then the Election Hoax. It was Russia, Russia, Russia. Now it’s Cookies, Cookies, Cookies.

ALL FAKE NEWS.

I am NOT Cookie Monster! YOU are Cookie Monster!!

Maybe I had a picture taken with a cookie once. I don’t remember it. But it was with a Super Cookie.

People were saying — big, strong men with tears in their eyes — “Sir, where do you find these amazing Super Cookies?”

Way better than your lousy cookies. You can’t even afford a real cookie.

Cookie jar? What cookie jar? I don’t have a cookie jar because I don’t have any cookies.

If there’s a cookie jar, you put it there to frame me.

There were no cookies in the jar anyway.

You put the cookies in the jar. People saw you. It was on Fox News.

n fact, you ate the cookies.

But they weren’t really cookies; they were crackers or something.

Some of the cookies you put in the jar, planted in my house and then took back from me are in fact my special, “privileged” cookies, and I herewith demand their IMMEDIATE return.

I gave the cookies back to you when you first asked for them.

If only you had nicely asked for the cookies back, I would have given them to you. Instead, you broke into my cookie jar, and you rummaged through my wife’s clothes.

It’s my cookie jar, so any cookies in the jar are mine. In fact, I had a Standing Order that any cookies in the jar automatically became mine when they went into the jar.

The jar, and the cookies in them, are PERFECT.

ALL cookies are mine, no matter where they are, because I had an Article II that put me in charge of EVERY cookie.

And there was this Black guy who was here before me. He had a funny, foreign-sounding name. He took THIRTY MILLION cookies home!! Why aren’t you going after him??

And that woman who worked for him EMAILED cookies to HERSELF all the time!! LOCK! HER! UP!

People throughout the Country are very angry with you for going after My Cookies. Very, very angry! Be careful what you wish for!

Now I know why people plead the Fifth Amendment. WITCH HUNT!!!

On the advice of counsel, I invoke my rights under the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.

Same answer.

Same answer ….

(Repeat 400 times.)

2

Marjorie Taylor Greene mocked for suggesting solar and wind energy don’t work at night

I guess she never heard of batteries.

From Yahoo! Finance:

Marjorie Taylor Greene suggested that solar and wind energy don’t work at night, prompting online mockery.

The Georgia Republican was speaking in front of an audience when she suggested that if the US takes measures to move to the use of more renewable energy, including wind turbines and solar panels, it would lead to fridges, washing machines, and air conditioners becoming unusable.

She appeared to suggest that electric lights would only work during the day and that there wouldn’t be sufficient power for all the appliances in a modern home.

“Thank god for air conditioning. Let’s talk about refrigerators. I personally like my refrigerator. I know you all like yours. What about washing machines and dryers? Lord please God don’t make me scrub clothes in a bucket and have to hang them out on a line when we switch over to wind turbines and solar panels,” she said. “I’m gonna be really pissed off about that. I mean, how absurd is this? I like the lights on. I wanna stay up later at night. I don’t wanna have to go to bed when the sun sets. It’s so silly! I mean, all of this is insane.”

The Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy states on its website that “the United States is a resource-rich country with abundant renewable energy resources. The amount available is 100 times that of the nation’s annual electricity need”.

3

Verrry Interesting….

From The New York Times:

In an appearance on Fox News on Friday night, the right-wing writer John Solomon, one of Mr. Trump’s representatives for interacting with the National Archives, read a statement from the former president’s office asserting Mr. Trump had a “standing order” during his presidency that “documents removed from the Oval Office and taken to the residence were deemed to be declassified the moment he removed them.”

That claim would not resolve the investigation. Two of the laws referred to in the search warrant executed this week criminalize the taking or concealment of government records, regardless of whether they had anything to do with national security. And laws against taking material with restricted national security information are not dependent on whether the material is technically classified.

Mr. Bolton, who served as Mr. Trump’s third national security adviser over 17 months, said he had never heard of the standing order that Mr. Trump’s office claimed to have in place. It is, he said, “almost certainly a lie.”

“I was never briefed on any such order, procedure, policy when I came in,” Mr. Bolton said, adding that he had never been told of it while he was working there, and had never heard of such a thing after. “If he were to say something like that, you would have to memorialize that, so that people would know it existed,” he said.

What’s more, he pointed out, secure facilities for viewing sensitive material were constructed at Mr. Trump’s clubs in Florida and New Jersey, where he often spent weekends as president, meaning that the documents wouldn’t need to be declassified. And if they were declassified, Mr. Bolton said, they would be considered subject to public record requests.

He continued, “When somebody begins to concoct lies like this, it shows a real level of desperation.”

4

Inside Trump’s chamber of secrets

From The Washington Post, by Matt Bai:

National security being what it is, we may never know the exact contents of the documents that FBI agents carried out of Mar-a-Lago this week. But we can already see what Donald Trump’s defense will be.

These documents can’t be classified, Trump and his allies are saying, because he unilaterally declassified them at some point, even if the feds still say they’re classified. It’s like he carries around a magic declassification wand. He’s Harry Potter in the House of Treason.

Let’s get a few things straight. If you’re president, as I understand it, you do have the right to declassify whatever documents you want. But there’s a process for doing so. You’re supposed to submit those documents to the appropriate agencies for review, and then they must be formally categorized as declassified.

This should go without saying, but since we’re not exactly killing it on basic civics these days, let me add that former presidents can’t declassify anything. That would be like Bill Clinton trying to retroactively issue a pardon.

By the way, if you were wondering just how desperate the once intellectually vibrant conservative movement has become, consider one Charles Stimson of the Heritage Foundation, who told NBC News that “there’s a rich debate about whether or not a document is declassified if a president has decided but not communicated it outside of his own head.”

Really. And where’s this rich debate on presidential telepathy taking place, exactly? The “Stranger Things” fan site?

But let’s leave aside this whole arcane question of what’s properly classified and what isn’t. We’ll find out more in the days ahead about why the FBI suspects Trump may have broken several national security laws, including the Espionage Act.

The larger point here is that the whole fiasco underscores the most disturbing thing about Trump’s term in the White House. Trump functioned as a president, more or less, but the underlying concept of the presidency somehow always eluded him.

Everyone who preceded Trump accepted the idea that the office is held in a sacred and temporary trust. The White House and everything that comes with it — the salutes and the planes, the couches and carpets, the weird things people gift you in foreign countries — belong to the country and its history, not to you. You’re just hired to manage the place for a while.

Even Richard M. Nixon, inventor of the so-called imperial presidency, was made to understand this in the end. He left Washington for the last time on something called Air Force One and landed in California on a flight re-designated as SAM 27000 (SAM standing for “special air mission”).

Somewhere in the skies, he lost the office and all the swag that accompanied it, including the plane’s special status.

Any American kid who’s seen “Hamilton” understands this concept of transient leadership, but Trump simply did not. Having come into office on the power of a popular uprising, Trump imagined he had been sent to Washington not to restore the institutions of government, but to replace them.

In Trump’s worldview, he acquired the office and the generals and the state secrets, just as he’d once acquired the Eastern Air Lines’ shuttle, and this whole idea that he was privileged to serve was a bunch of deep-state nonsense. I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say that he saw himself as an American Putin — elected, perhaps, but governing at the will of some stronger current than the public’s fleeting favor.

Other presidents, Joe Biden among them, have spoken often about the immense honor of holding the office, mindful of the predecessors they admired and the unfinished business they would leave their successors. You may correct me here, but can anyone remember any instance of Trump musing on his obligations to history?

No, Trump seemed oddly uninterested in all of that, dismissing even Abraham Lincoln’s impact as “questionable.” If Trump ever considered a future with a president other than himself, he gave no indication.

So, of course, Trump refused to leave the job until forced, and of course he held on to material that clearly belonged in public hands. When the presidency is an acquisition rather than an opportunity to serve, then everything that comes with it is rightfully yours to do with as you please.

Until this week, I wasn’t sure Trump would really run again and risk losing a primary, much less a general election. But now I presume he will, if only because he’ll want to regain control of the government forces that are fast arraying against him. When the feds broke into Trump’s chamber of secrets, they unleashed something dark and rapacious within.

It’s Trump or the democracy now. I have a hard time imagining how we’d end up with both.