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Jack and the Giant Deficit

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“Handy Universal Post-Iowa Reaction Helpsheet”

From The Daily Kos–written by Bill in Maine

[Hooray!] [Dammit!] [Meh.] My candidate [won] [lost] the Iowa caucus last night, and I am so [thrilled] [pissed] [zen] about it I could [kiss a wookie] [chew through drywall] [go back to bed].

Even though the deciding factor was [turnout] [turnout] [turnout], you can’t ignore the impact of [visiting all 99 counties] [appearing to enjoy wolfing down greasy diner food five times a day] [promising to award the Iowa State Fair butter cow a Medal of Freedom from the Oval Office] in the final tally.

Meanwhile the Republican contest was absolutely [batshit] [synonym for batshit] [another synonym for batshit]. I mean, seriously—holy [cow] [mother of God] [cheese ‘n rice], they really settled on [him] [her] [that]?!! Good luck in the general with your views on gutting [Social Security] [Medicare] [Obamacare] [women’s rights] [voting rights] [LGBT rights] [minority rights] [environmental laws] [consumer protections] [all of the above], ya big jerk.

As usual, the media was of [big help] [little help] [no help] in the run-up to the caucus, and the [most] [least] insightful lesson I learned from their [polling] [pundit roundtable] [chicken-innards reading] analysis was [“Whoever’s ahead will be in the lead”] [“The candidates are playing to win”] [“This is excellent news for John McCain”].

Next stop: the New Hampshire primary. I [can’t wait] [can wait] [would like you to please pass me the bong].

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