Humor | I Tried Being Tasteful...

From the Washington Post, by Kate Cohen

You know how stuff just accumulates? How one day, you look around to discover you’ve got a cupboard crammed with mismatched food storage, a drawerful of socks you never wear and more than two dozen Democratic presidential candidates?

Well, that day has come. It was a fun shopping spree (who could resist two-for-one left-wing senators from the Northeast?), but you went overboard. You think you want all those choices, but when it’s actually time to suit up for the primary season, so many options are downright paralyzing.

It’s time to declutter. And that doesn’t mean just swapping a Swalwell for a Steyer.

You’ve read the book; you know the drill. Gather it all up and dump it on the debate stage. Be thorough; check for any Western governors who may have dropped behind the dresser.

Now, take a deep breath and assess that pile of candidates. First impression? Wow. This is gonna take a couple of days. Second: White guy, white guy, white guy, white guy. Why did you ever think you needed so many plain white guys?

Okay, slow down. Stay calm. To do this right, you have to pick up each candidate in turn and ask yourself, “Does this spark joy?”

Try each candidate on and look in the mirror. Be honest about what you see. “Am I this conservative?” “Does this make me look old?” “Do I believe that we can defeat President Trump by harnessing love?”

This one just makes me look like a hipster wannabe. And it was so cute when I first got it!

Oh look: another white one. But it’s brand-new and I love it! Still, is it too young for me?

I know it was fashionable once, but it’s hard to believe this particular kind of patronizing male politician was ever in style . . .

Well, this would be useful for evenings when I feel like flirting with the idea of a universal basic income.

Okay, now, here’s something interesting from Minnesota. It’s certainly practical and it seems durable, but does it spark joy for me?

Because that’s the point, isn’t it? You shouldn’t worry about what everyone else will approve of. You shouldn’t try to appeal to people whose taste runs toward MAGA hats. Instead, you should “keep only those things that speak to your heart.” The things that make you feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror every morning, make you stand a little straighter, make you volunteer to register voters for 2020 instead of hoping someone else will.

Ah, here’s an old favorite, so comfortable, so undeniably right. It still fits after all these years, but it’s starting to show its age. Once upon a time it was the only candidate I would wear. Should I really move on just because it’s fraying a bit?

Let’s see what the book says. “You’ll be surprised at how many of the things you possess have already fulfilled their role. . . . To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose.”

If you’re feeling guilty about letting go of things that have served you well, it might help to remember that discarded items are not necessarily destined for the trash! You’re simply launching them on a new journey. Your neighbors might want them in their House, for instance, or they might be chosen to occupy a treasured place in someone’s Cabinet.

The important thing is to “let go with gratitude.”

To each of, let’s say, 18 smart, thoughtful, accomplished candidates whom you would happily choose to replace the current outfit, it’s time to say, “Thank you for your service.”

Thank you for your service.

As Marie Kondo says, “Only by letting go of items, one by one, can you truly face your past, and begin to create your future.”