Drenched in Tears and Rolling in Dough

This email was in my inbox this morning.  I thought it was too good not to pass along, if only for its audacity and tragic, literary overtones.

I’ve highlighted one word that leaped out at me in particular because of its jarring juxtaposition with the overall humanitarian tone of the plea.

The sender doesn’t disclose the country of origin so where, in your opinion, do you think it came from? 

 Beloved,

I am drenched with tears while writing this short message to you. It was
heartbreaking news to me few  days ago when my doctor notified me on
complications on my health condition which he officially made known to me. He
further stressed that the complication I had in my human mechanism as a result
of a secondary liver cancer which have destroyed all the organs in my body
system.  According to him, he said that this complication will lead to my
imminent death since no medication can alleviate the high system of deformation
I am encountering at this time in my system.

In the view of the above, I am in quest to find a trustworthy and upright
individual whom I will entrust the sum of $4.8 million USD and this  has led me
to you. The said fund was acquired by me as  an inheritance from my adopted
father who died as a result of political crisis which erupted among his most
political associate and business clique.

I will make available to you all information and officially authorize document
which will endorse your claim as the beneficiary to the fund in question in the
finance house where the fund was lodged by my adopted father.  I have mapped out the modalities on how the fund will be apportioned. 35% of the principal amount of the money will be dished out to you while 65% will be allotted to any charitable or orphanage home of your preference.

My motive to dispense the funds to a charity and orphanage home is that I grew
up as an orphan and do not have any heirs hitherto.

Upon your acceptance to this proposal kindly get back to me.

Best Regards
Cecilia Frazier

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30 thoughts on “Drenched in Tears and Rolling in Dough

  1. That Cecilia! How DOES she manage to type with her arms crossed in a straitjacket?!

    The deceased’s “most political associate and business clique” is quite intriguing. You think it sounds like something Trump-ed up?

  2. I had to look up “modalities.” “1. The fact, state, or quality of being modal,” didn’t help much. “4. The ceremonial forms, protocols, or conditions that surround formal agreements or negotiations: “[He] grew so enthusiastic about our prospects that he began to speculate on the modalities of signing” (Henry A. Kissinger).” Now it makes sense, especially if Henry A. Kissinger used the word. Country of origin is probably the U.S. but the people behind the scam are probably from India. I find it amusing the way they describe the terminal condition of Ms. Fraser. “…complication I had in my human mechanism” That came straight out of Google Translate.

    • I loved that part about “human mechanism” too. I thought it was quite poetic, if not a bit freaky. And India, of course!–I hadn’t thought of that. My guess would have been Nigeria. I seem to get a lot of emails from folks there who are desperate to give me money.

      Thanks for stopping by, O. Leonard—y’all come back!

  3. Damn, I have good human mechanisms, how come no one wants to dish out their fortune to me. You better act quickly before this one dies, think of the orphans!

  4. Quite the little marketer, isn’t she/he? I have to wonder what goes on in the minds of people like that. And then, I realize, like merrilymarylee, she’s just a few minutes away from getting her next dose.

    • Ah, yes. As the immortal bard said: “What light is light, if Cecilia be not seen? What joy is joy, if Cecilia be not by?” Of course, he actually said Silvia, but he didn’t know our gal—or her human mechanism—now did he?

  5. Pingback: Drenched in Tears and Rolling in Dough (via I Tried Being Tasteful…) | Getgln's Blog

  6. Don’t plan on spending the money any time too soon–if she is writing after all the organs in her “body system” have been destroyed she may be around for a while.

  7. Where? I am immediately think of the far-flung and previously to me unbeknownst locales which is an appearance at opportune specimens in my live traffic feeder. Piraeus, Attiki, (the deep South part of) can be within considerations. And Surfa, Saliurfa. But also to recall Zavidovici, Federation of Bosnia and Herzegovina, in search of “mature.”

    These entities are celebrity of deception and the swindlement. Please to inform me at your soonest convenience if you agree to make generosity, as all my systems are demoralized and alongside no medication can alleviate my imminent death, as well.

    May all the camels come wholly inside your tent.
    Kathy Archer

  8. How odd, I received this exact same message from one Isabella Cottone just the other day. Oh the Mechanistic Humanity!

  9. Pingback: Drenched in Tears and Rolling in Dough (via I Tried Being Tasteful…) « Mixed American Life

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